So That Times of Refreshing May Come
Wiping the dust off the 'ole blog tonight. I have missed this. I love to write. I love being able to look back on what my kids did...what we did as a family. I hope to blog a little more regularly in 2016.
As I thought about what to write about, I had many different things come to mind but really I will just start off with my desires for the new year. Every year I think about what I can do to make this year even better than the year before. That is always my problem...with everything in life. I. What can I do....the problem is that I just try too hard. I am a perfectionist by nature. That is just simply who I am. I like things to just fall into place. I like to have a plan and when that plan does not work out, my life seems to crash down on top of me at a devastating speed. I know that sounds dramatic, but honestly, it is true. I can be having a great day and one thing....tiny thing can make me lose control. Control. That is what perfectionism is all about. Having control. When I am not in control of the situation, I feel reckless and helpless.
This year, 2016, there are many things that I want to accomplish. There are many characters traits that I would like to develop a little more, and I really want to do things like: read my Bible daily, prayer more, be a better friend, wife, mother, etc....you know, the usual BUT...I really want to let go of perfect.
I received a birthday card this year from a friend (my favorite thing ever) and at the bottom of the front, it says, "God has created you and rejoices in all that you are." God created me. He created me and all of my inadequacies. He rejoices in all that I am....not all that I do. Not all that I say. Not by the number of friends I have. ME. He rejoices in ME because He created me.
Sometimes most of the time, I forget this. God loves me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to have a relationship with me. He does not want our time to be divided. I want, this year, to KNOW that God loves me and be able to truly, from my head to my toes, believe that with all that is in me. I don't want to doubt it, I don't want to wonder if a God like Him could love me like...well, like me. I truly believe as I grow closer to Him this year that He will reveal this more than He ever has before. This is my desire.
I want to be more loving and less critical. I have prayed and prayed about my struggle with friendships. 2015 was a rough year in terms of friendships for me. I prayed that God would place special people in my life - not only to encourage me, but for me to encourage and love on them. While I have a few close friends, this just did not happen. I do believe that the relationships with those close friends have gotten deeper and stronger. I have had to grow up a lot this year...not by choice! Ha! My prayer is that God give me discernment about who I can trust, as this is hard for me, and allow me to be the friend that I need to be to those that He puts into my path. More than anything, my prayer is that I not have a pity party when I feel lonely. I have not felt the way I feel these days, with respect to my friendships, since I was a little kid. The lonely feeling is terrible, but I read something yesterday that really put things into perspective for me. The article talked about not being invited to a party and feeling insecure about not being good enough to be invited. The article was SPOT ON for what I was feeling that particular day. This is what she said:
So, I wasn’t invited to the party. I decided to see that gift of time as a special invitation by the Lord to be with Him. Dream with Him. Be loved by Him. Be doted on by Him. To be held by Him.
I would still love to be invited to the next party.
But even if not, having a night with the Lord is good. Very good. Better than good enough.
What I have to realize is that when my plan does not work out, God may be telling me something. Like, BE STILL or THIS TIME IS FOR ME. I pray that I leave my insecurities back in 2015 and start fresh with a new perspective this year. I know that it will please God and I for darn sure know that it would make me happier! (As well as my friends who have to listen to me whine).
I pray that you all have a wonderful 2016 and that you find something that God can teach you this year. I hope to be back again soon!
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."