Monday, June 6, 2016

What If....I am Fearful?


Flying?  Nah. I like it.  It doesn't bother me.  Actually, it is even a little bit thrilling.  I mean, the take off...sometimes that can really be a big rush!  Roller coasters.  The anticipation might turn my stomach but it isn't scary.  It is exciting!  I love the excitement of the twists and turns.  Bees.  Now, my husband, he has a fear of bees.  Well, any flying, stinging insect, really.  Not me.  Just walk past them, and for the most part, they won't bother you.  If they sting you, it...well, stings, and then it goes away.  

fearan unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.  

I am afraid of spiders.  They are sneaky and creepy crawly.  I feel like they are just kind of out to get me.  Storms!  I am TERRIFIED of storms.  Fearful does not even begin to describe how I get during a bad storm, especially when tornadoes and sirens are involved.  I am scared of the dark, of huge giant roaches (I call them water bugs), of loud yelling, and any kind of fighting (adults) will likely cause me to get in a fetal position. 

I am afraid of losing all of my friends and feeling alone.  I am afraid of trusting people.  I am afraid of everyone that I love leaving me.  I am afraid of making people mad and of messing up.  I am afraid of not being fixable.  

Those are the things that I lay awake at night thinking about.  What if I said something today that caused that person to hate me forever? Will they ever forgive me?  Am I even worthy of to be forgiven by them?  I didn't deserve their friendship anyway.  I might as well just forget they ever knew me.  But then, they might tell someone else what I did and then that person will hate me too.  

Yes.  It is messed up thinking and it is insecure garbage but vulnerability nailed to the wall, this is me.  It is exhausting.  It is not from God and likely 98% of the time, my friends DO NOT think or do this!!!!  (I am guessing, as most of the time, I keep all of this nonsense to myself for FEAR that if they knew I was thinking all of that they would find me to be "too much" and drop me like a hot potato)!  

I have always said that I am not a fearful person but I am.  I am fearful of many things.  I think we all have some fears.  What do we do with our fear?  And what is it that we fear most?  Do we fear trusting God?  I read one time a quote that said, "When we don't trust God, we are saying that we think we can handle our problems better than He can."  

Three different times yesterday I had three different people tell me that "perfect love casts out fear."  That comes from the book of 1 John in the New Testament.  I was fearful of something yesterday that I shared with exactly two people, but for some reason, God laid me on a third person's heart and that verse was perfect timing from all three of these precious friends.  

It is interesting because until yesterday, I would tell you that I am not a fearful person.  I don't panic much.  I am not a helicopter mom to my kids and I am not in constant fear and worry about what might happen to them, but I worry about other things.  Some may say silly things...and perhaps they are.  The second part of that same verse in 1 John says, "the one who fears has not reached perfection in love."  I have not reached perfection...in anything...even in love.  

So, what if....I am fearful?  God has an answer.  The verse right before the one above says, "As we live in God, our love grows more perfect (or complete)."  No, I have not reached perfection in love, but as I continue to live and grow in God's goodness, my love will grow more perfect....not because of anything I have done, but because of God alone.  For God's love casts out fear!  

Starting to read this book this week by Angie Smith.

 I'll let you know what I think!  

PS:  Anyone who would like to join me in some type of summer reading club - and NO I have no idea what that looks like - let me know!! I love to read and would love to exchange books and talk about the books we read.
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17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

1 John 4:17-18



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