Most of my friends that know me well know that I do not finish things.  I find this to be an interesting quirk about myself.  The main reason why I think it is so strange is because I am such a perfectionist and with that being my nature, the tendency would generally be to not start something until it could be done to perfection.  Which, allow me to chase a rabbit for a second, also leads to one of my biggest flaws - procrastination.  I wait until the LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE to meet any deadline because I work better under pressure dread the long hours working on something until it looks EXACTLY PERFECT - because nothing else will do!  Which then leads to my only other weakness - tardiness.  It kind of reminds me of that one Bible verse - you know the one...let's see...ah, yes - "and suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope...." (Romans 5:4)...except not at all....anyway, where was I?  Oh, me being perfect!  Right.  

I have a habit, I guess you could call it that, of not finish things - namely, Bible studies, books, and last bites of things.  Weird?  Okay, sure.  Let me explain a little.  For several years, I would do about 3/4 of the women's Bible studies and then just not finish them.  I would get behind, frustrated, discouraged, and not finish the homework.  I LOVED going to the meetings but I just wouldn't finish the homework.  Totally felt like a failure so I started doing the only thing I knew to do - make a joke out of it.  "Rikki never finishes a Bible study."  It became a running joke.  Made me feel better...sorta....not really.  It was an outward "mask" to make the inside failure feel like it was still "okay" somehow.  That perfectionist did not finish, she failed. But, hey, she was funny and cute on the outside that everyone laughed at.  Books?  Well, I am not a good {fast} reader.  I like to read I am just not a great reader.  So, I get about 1/2 to 3/4 way finished and I either get bored, pre-occupied, busy or whatever and just put it down.  No big deal.  Add it to the pile of "unfinished business."  Last bites of things?  Can't tell ya.  It's just weird!  But really, I can eat an entire cheeseburger but the last bite.  It isn't with everything like an OCD thing but it happens a lot.  Just a random piece of trivia about me.  Carry on.  

I wanted to share some thoughts about finishing.  I am doing a new Bible study by Jen Wilkin who I LOVE, by the way.  It is her Hebrews study which is FREE for download available on Facebook right now!!!  Go get it!  It will rock your world!!!  Anyway, I am doing it right now and loving it!  Two of the verses that stuck out to me this week are both in chapter 3:

verse 6b: "And we are God's house, if we keep our courage and remain confident in our hope in Christ."

verse 14: "For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ."

Both of these verses talk about remaining, holding fast until the end.  What if I give up on believing in Christ half-way or 3/4 of the way through the journey? "If we are faithful to the end, trusting God," I mean, wow.  What if I was as faithful and trusting now as I was the day I first believed in Him?  The entire city where I lived would know about Him!  We must hold fast until the end.  Until the day He calls us home or He comes back for us.  

In Philippians, Paul writes in 1:6 that "I am sure of this that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." What if God said He was bored with me 1/4 of the way and quit?  I would be in a WORLD of trouble!!  I am so thankful that He is not finished with me!!!!  

I get so anxious about the "ends" of things that I dread them starting.  I know that sounds neurotic but it's true. When something exciting is about to happen, like a Disney trip or a fun girl's weekend with my dearest friends is approaching, part of me is super excited about the event but as it gets closer my heart starts to grow weary.  Why you ask? Because the closer it gets, the sooner it will be until it's over!  I in the moment but they are SO SO FLEETING and it just hurts my heart something fierce!!!  I HATE goodbyes and hate when happy things end!  I hate it!!!!  

My favorite verses of Scripture are found in Romans:

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (12:1-2)

The word "perfect" there is the idea of completion - lacking nothing.  The last 2 Bible studies I have done, I have completed them.  I am on the road to recovery.  :)  In all seriousness, my prayer is that I will live my life pleasing to God and striving exactly for what the verses say above - as a living sacrifice for the One that gave His Son for me.  I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind and the way that is done is by studying His Word daily.  The Bible studies I have been doing allow me to desire to be in His Word.  I have learned so much about God, His character, His attributes, what He wants and desires for me, and His love for me.  I am a better wife, mother, friend, and person because of God's Word.

We are called to finish this race but we do not have to do it alone.  That "failure on the inside" was not a failure at all.  She just didn't answer some homework questions.  God still loves her.  The unanswered Bible study questions did not define me.  What I do does not make me who I am.  How well I do something does not determine my self-worth.  God bought me with a price - His Son.  He loves me when I don't feel {or act} lovable. He is faithful when I am not.  He goes before me, He walks beside me, and He will never leave me - until the very end - until completion!


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