Thursday, May 19, 2011

What No One Tells You

So, there are so many things that people don't tell you about having an abortion. What they do tell you is that it is easy, you can just forget about it, no one ever has to know, and after it is over, you never have to deal with it again. Well, ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE LIES!!!! I lived those lies for about two years. The details in this next post are kind of sketchy because I cannot remember the exact time frames and the actual details about what happened that day are a little blurry too but I will tell you what I remember....

After the abortion, I did what I was supposed to do...I forgot...or at least I tried to. It came up everywhere I turned, at church, on the radio, on the TV - EVERYWHERE! But I ignored it as best I could...not dealing with it. Until ONE DAY....I went to college at Central Baptist College in Conway, Arkansas. In my career plan and the path I chose, I had to take a Human Growth and Development course. We sat down one day and opened the book to start talking about the different stages of fetal development and I LOST IT!! I am talking broke out in a cold sweat! I thought I was going to pass smooth out.

I knew that when I had my abortion that I was about 8 weeks along. What I did not know was that at 8 weeks gestation that my baby had a good strong heartbeat. What I did not know was that my baby had a perfectly formed little body with a beautifully shaped head and eyes and a nose and ear buds; beautiful little fingers and a mouth. I didn't know all of the intricate little details that God had already used to design this perfect little human person because THAT is what no one tells you. I was mortified and just sick. What had I done?! I took off out of the classroom like a bullet! I ran up to my dorm room and just fell in the floor and wept.

I don't remember much about what happened after that. What I do remember is that someone that I love dearly came to me that day...a friend and knocked on my door. I didn't want to open the door and I said something like, "Who is it?" which was a bit unusual. I had been crying all day and didn't want to see anyone. Long story short, I let her in and we talked...for HOURS. Somehow, for the very first time, EVER, I let someone into my heart and I shared my experience with her. She was loving and accepting and I will NEVER EVER forget that. She cried and prayed with me and she helped me through the darkest time of my life.

The next four years were VERY difficult for me. I sat through a Christian Ethics class where the professor was just a little judgmental as he went through the different types of abortion and talked about how horrible people that have abortions are. I still had not accepted God's forgiveness at this point and this did not help. The turning point for me was one night when I was in my dorm room talking to a dear dear friend...pouring my heart out when she said these words....


"Why do you not think that Jesus' blood was not good enough for you? So, what you are saying is that Christ died for everyone else and every other sin but you and THAT sin? You are too good for Him to die for you?"


You see sometimes we need people in our lives to call us out and keep us honest. That was MONUMENTAL in my life! That was a game changer for me. That was THE DAY that I accepted God's forgiveness for THAT and all sin in my life because you see, God sent His Son to die on that cross for ALL OF OUR SIN no matter how great or small. Yes, I do still struggle from time to time with the "rating system." It is hard to fathom that He doesn't look at abortion and think it's worse than gossiping but it's true!!! God is a forgiving God and I am living proof today that He will restore us!!

And, stay stuned...there is even more to this story! :)

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