In the Silence

What do you do when your husband takes your kids, all of them, to Arkansas for a week and you are left by yourself?  You do all of the things that you can't do when the kids are home, right?  You plan stuff every night.  You stay up super late and eat ice cream for dinner.  And watch movies that children's eyes can't see.  You have friends over and go to the movies, shop, and get pedicures.  That all sounds fun but I actually did not do ANY of that.  None of it.  

At the end of the previous week, I posted about how my week was...well, less than what I wanted it to be.  And, I am not going to take that back, but it was actually a blessing in disguise.  At the end of that post, I said, "God is so good." And, you know what?  He is!  I wasn't trying to convince myself that He is good.  I believed it because I knew that, even in the midst of a crummy week, He had something in store for me that I could not see at that moment.  And, boy, was I right!  

I remember thinking as my family was about to drive away for 7 days, that I was feeling a bit anxious because I did not have one single solitary thing planned for my week.  The irony of it is that I did not even know when I was going to return to work at that point....long story.  My family was leaving and I had a chance to do all of the things that wanted to do and nothing was on the agenda.  I remember going to my bedroom and laying down on the bed and reflecting on the week that had just unfolded and I began to cry.  The next thing I remember was waking up a couple of hours later.  I was tired.  God said, "Rest."  And that would be my theme for the remainder of the week....

As I woke up Monday morning, I set out for my week, unsure of what it would look like.  That day, I had a sweet time just visiting with one of my favorite people.  We talked about important things, shared everyday happenings in our lives, and just shared what God had us share.  One of the highlights of my week.  Tuesday, I went back to work and the evening was spent eating take out in my PJs and watching the Rangers beat the As from my living room. Tuesday a neat thing happened that I am convinced God orchestrated.  I sat and visited with a friend that I have not really talked to in awhile.  She has been sick with a rare illness that causes issues with balance and coordination.  One of the things she said really stuck with me and I think it will for a long time.  I noticed that she is different in the way that she deals with things.  I said, "You are so calm."  Her response was, "You know, you go to bed one night with all of these plans, thinking that you will just wake up tomorrow and everything will be the same as it was when you went to bed.  Then something happens, and your world changes.  Suddenly, the things that you thought were important, they aren't quite as important as you thought they were.  You learn that you can only do what you can do, and the rest, you just let it go.  God told me to be still and I did not listen.  Now, I am listening."  Wow.  I mean.  Wow......Wednesday, work then Bible study and catching up with an old (young) friend.  It was incredibly spur of the moment, simple, catching up.  Thursday, I went to counseling, then went shopping for a baby shower that I helped with yesterday and then home.  Friday night, I was able to go to the Ranger game with the Russell family and it was one of the funnest things I have done in a long time!  I had a really good time!  They are one of my favorite families.  Just genuinely good people.  Love them so much!  And, the Rangers won!!!!!  My family came back last night and I got to love on my two youngest girls.  My best friend is back and my girls are already arguing again.  All {almost - Rachel will be home Friday} is right with the world!!  

I walked into my house one night this week and I just stood there and listened....there was not one sound.  It was silent.  All I could do was say, "God is so so good."  God is doing such a refining work in my life right now and I do not understand it all.  He is speaking and I am listening.  I just want to hear Him clearly.  As I got still and in the midst of activity around me this weekend, I began reflecting in my heart all of the things that God has done in my life, and He started speaking to me.   It is an incredible thing when we know what we are supposed to be doing.  When God opens and closes doors and we obey, He will equip us in the areas He has called us to. 

May I always be listening.  When God gives me silence, I hope I always stop and listen.  When I am anxious because I don't have any plans, may I recognize that He will give me divine appointments with golden nuggets of wisdom from people that will impact my life forever.  When He tells me to be still, I pray that I will listen and that I will know that tomorrow could very possibly look different than today did and my plans are not God's.  He is FOR me and wants my best.  

You're my strength
You're my defender
You're my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You've always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.  Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives.  Colossians 3:12,16


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