Monday, April 22, 2013

Disorganized Perfectionist

How do I do it all?  That's a really good question.  You know, to be honest, I don't know the answer to that question.  I find myself in a constant battle with myself with regards to balancing life. 

I have a masters degree in social work.  I worked full time until Rachel was born.  I then worked PRN for a hospital until Lauren was eight months old.  I then accepted a full time job.  I struggled back and forth during that time with whether or not to return to work, if I was doing my children right by being home with them, or whether or not I was wasting my career. I know what some you must be thinking....my career is not near as important as my children.  I know.  That was part of my struggle.  The problem was that as Rachel became older and more difficult to manage at home and as I realized that I was more and more relaxed with routine at home, she was suffering.  I guess you could say I could have "stepped up my game" and been a better mom.  Perhaps you might be right in that thinking but I just felt that God was pushing me in another direction.  I felt that God knew that Rachel needed something more than what I was able to provide for her.  Rachel is very strong willed.  She needs and thrives on structure. 

I have been working full time since December of 2009.  I have recently moved to a new hospital but I have worked in a hospital environment since moving to Texas in 2006 and having children that same year.  My job can be stressful and I work long hours.  There are some days that I make it to the daycare to pick up my kids as the daycare is closing.  Since starting this new job in December, I have started working 5 days a week and having to bring my computer home some nights to finish up documentation.  At my previous job I had Thursdays off where I devoted time to cleaning the house and doing various other things like appointments.  I enjoyed that but it is just not condusive to this job at this time.  This job is less stressful but sometimes more demanding. 

We do have a cleaning company that comes every other week.  Honestly, other than the deep cleaning, I can barely tell that we have them.  Sure, I don't have to scrub toilets and that kind of stuff but when you have 3 small children, every other week is barely enough to scratch the surface!  Don't get me wrong, I am GRATEFUL for the extra help and when my husband said that we could keep the maids after we got married, I was thrilled but I have to do a ton of work in addition to that. 

I like to refer to myself as a disorganized perfectionist.  I know that sounds crazy but the thought of a perfectly organized house is just BLISS!!!  I envision in my head exactly what I want my house to look like.  That is just not reality right now.  This year I have started a new year's resolution to get my house in shape and organized.  I have called it "Organize Your Life."  I started in our home office and did quite a bit of work in there.  It got overwhelming and I have stopped for a little bit.  I moved to the kitchen and cleaned out the medicine cabinet and the paper goods cabinet.  I still have the pantry and the plastic container cabinet.  I cleaned out the dining room cradenza, my bathroom, the girl's room, and the garage.  I have a long way to go but it looks so much better!  I can't wait for the rest of the year to see what else I can get organized!  The goal is to have the office complete, the kitchen complete, and all of the bedrooms complete by the end of the year.  I can do it!!!

My biggest problem is finding a balance on the weekend.  Do I clean or spend time with my family?  That sounds like a no-brainer but when else am I going to get my house in order?  I work 5 days a week!  Most of the time, I choose family and then come Sunday evening, I feel like I have accomplished nothing!  Is that true?  Not at all but I get so mad at myself for not doing it all.  Not to mention the church activities, gymnastics, birthday parties, etc.  It's a lot to balance.  I really need to pray and find God's guidance in it all.

So, this was just a vomit of a post, wasn't it??!!  Sorry for the disorganization of it but I just had to get it all in the open.  Can anyone relate?  I mean....am I the only one who feels this way??  Sometime please tell me I'm not.  :)

2 comments:

Jenna @ Sharing My Jennarocity said...

No, you are not the only one! There are some weeks our house is more clean and put together than others, but I since I also work full time outside the home, I really have to let my mood determine what kind of week it will be. If I am in a "not feeling well rested, lazy" mood, and I would rather spend my time relaxing with the kids than cleaning, I do it. If I am in a cleaning mood, I do it. Just depends. All in all, I always feel as though housework is neverending, so it gets done as needed, and even then, it can wait a few days, if I need to keep my sanity!

Anonymous said...

Loved this post!!!! Felt like you were speaking my mind. I also work 5 days a week and was thinking of hiring a maid every other week to help but then again it would not help with the laundry situation or everyday "clutter". Thanks for this post. Helped me because sometimes I feel like I am the only mom with these struggles! :0



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