Another Lesson
God has done amazing things in my life recently but I still struggle in the area of security. I know that I recently posted about this but let me be a little more specific here for a minute.
I have a tendency to dwell on things a little too much. I think about things, well, TO DEATH!!!!! I will just think about every possible scenario until I literally make myself sick inside and then the end result is that I am basically scum on the bottom of my shoe. It always ends up like that....confused? Well, let me TRY to explain.
I have already mentioned in previous posts that I have always wanted to be sweet but I just have had a hard time mastering that skill (or gift, whatever). I just have (or don't have) a way with words. Email is a horrible medium of communication but it is what is often used in my world because I am just on the go so much but let's just be honest, I am just as bad with words in person. I say things sometimes that I don't mean and things come across the wrong way. This often gets me in trouble because as much as I try to fix it, it usually just makes it worse. Get the picture? I know that no one else has this problem...it is surely just me, right?! :) Wellll, I have written an email in the past couple of days that I thought I would have gotten a response from that I have not gotten yet and as I have just pondered and dwelt on the email and re-read it a MILLION times I have come to the conclusion that I MUST have offended this person by something I have said in it. It is certainly possible because as I read it back to myself there is something in there that could have come across wrong, etc.....I have composed an email to this person and then decided that I am not going to send it because then this person would think that I am just stupid...you know the whole nine yards!! It is just RIDICULOUS!!! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF???!!!
Here is the lesson that I have learned this morning and let me assure you that I have been very humbled....
I do have to tell you that I searched EVERYWHERE for my So Long Insecurity book by Beth Moore that I have been reading and I could not find it ANYWHERE. Do you know what God was saying to me? That He does not want me to find my answers in that book (as good as it is and as good of a teacher and godly woman as Beth is). He wants me to find hope and security in HIM and answers in HIS WORD!!! So, that's what I did. I turned off my radio after I dropped my kids off this morning and I talked to Him and wept ALL the way to work.
~John 10:10 says that He came that we may have life and we may have it abundantly. God desires for me to be secure in Him. He wants me to know that I am His. He desires for me to live a life not just wondering if He loves me but KNOWING that He loves me and living a life to the FULLEST. Can I really live a life to the fullest if I walk around all the time wondering if someone is mad at me or wondering if I have offended someone? If I was more worried about what God thought about me than what other people thought about me maybe I would live a holier more God-centered life!!!
~I suppose it never occurred to me that perhaps IT WAS NOT ABOUT ME!!!!! What a concept! If I had taken 1/2 a second to think about the person receiving the email (or whatever...it doesn't have to be this specific instance). Maybe they were busy. People do have families and lives to attend to and I am not the only person they have to deal with in a single day. HELLO??!! Perhaps they were busy. As my husband would say....maybe, JUST MAYBE they didn't have a response...maybe they didn't have anything to say!!! It could be that they are gathering more information to respond later. WHO KNOWS?! God calls us to carry one another's burdens. Galatians 6:2 "Carry one another's burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ." Maybe they had just received some bad news. Maybe they were just having a bad day. If I had the mind of Christ, my thoughts might have gone something like this....."You know I have noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. How can I pray for you." Or "You know, I have noticed that you have seemed kind of sad. I don't have to know what that's about but I want you to know that I love and care about you." Instead I am staying up half the night worried if they are mad at me...ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Get a life, kid!
~And one other thing that God taught me this morning in my car is that when I come to Him, He says to me that it doesn't matter what I say to Him. He loves me. I can offend Him and He loves me anyway. I am HIS!!! I can come to Him at any time during the day and HE IS THERE!! He listens to my "email" and He responds lovingly. He never fails. He is my encourager, He is my supporter, and in HIM I find my security.
I have a tendency to dwell on things a little too much. I think about things, well, TO DEATH!!!!! I will just think about every possible scenario until I literally make myself sick inside and then the end result is that I am basically scum on the bottom of my shoe. It always ends up like that....confused? Well, let me TRY to explain.
I have already mentioned in previous posts that I have always wanted to be sweet but I just have had a hard time mastering that skill (or gift, whatever). I just have (or don't have) a way with words. Email is a horrible medium of communication but it is what is often used in my world because I am just on the go so much but let's just be honest, I am just as bad with words in person. I say things sometimes that I don't mean and things come across the wrong way. This often gets me in trouble because as much as I try to fix it, it usually just makes it worse. Get the picture? I know that no one else has this problem...it is surely just me, right?! :) Wellll, I have written an email in the past couple of days that I thought I would have gotten a response from that I have not gotten yet and as I have just pondered and dwelt on the email and re-read it a MILLION times I have come to the conclusion that I MUST have offended this person by something I have said in it. It is certainly possible because as I read it back to myself there is something in there that could have come across wrong, etc.....I have composed an email to this person and then decided that I am not going to send it because then this person would think that I am just stupid...you know the whole nine yards!! It is just RIDICULOUS!!! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF???!!!
Here is the lesson that I have learned this morning and let me assure you that I have been very humbled....
I do have to tell you that I searched EVERYWHERE for my So Long Insecurity book by Beth Moore that I have been reading and I could not find it ANYWHERE. Do you know what God was saying to me? That He does not want me to find my answers in that book (as good as it is and as good of a teacher and godly woman as Beth is). He wants me to find hope and security in HIM and answers in HIS WORD!!! So, that's what I did. I turned off my radio after I dropped my kids off this morning and I talked to Him and wept ALL the way to work.
~John 10:10 says that He came that we may have life and we may have it abundantly. God desires for me to be secure in Him. He wants me to know that I am His. He desires for me to live a life not just wondering if He loves me but KNOWING that He loves me and living a life to the FULLEST. Can I really live a life to the fullest if I walk around all the time wondering if someone is mad at me or wondering if I have offended someone? If I was more worried about what God thought about me than what other people thought about me maybe I would live a holier more God-centered life!!!
~I suppose it never occurred to me that perhaps IT WAS NOT ABOUT ME!!!!! What a concept! If I had taken 1/2 a second to think about the person receiving the email (or whatever...it doesn't have to be this specific instance). Maybe they were busy. People do have families and lives to attend to and I am not the only person they have to deal with in a single day. HELLO??!! Perhaps they were busy. As my husband would say....maybe, JUST MAYBE they didn't have a response...maybe they didn't have anything to say!!! It could be that they are gathering more information to respond later. WHO KNOWS?! God calls us to carry one another's burdens. Galatians 6:2 "Carry one another's burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ." Maybe they had just received some bad news. Maybe they were just having a bad day. If I had the mind of Christ, my thoughts might have gone something like this....."You know I have noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. How can I pray for you." Or "You know, I have noticed that you have seemed kind of sad. I don't have to know what that's about but I want you to know that I love and care about you." Instead I am staying up half the night worried if they are mad at me...ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Get a life, kid!
~And one other thing that God taught me this morning in my car is that when I come to Him, He says to me that it doesn't matter what I say to Him. He loves me. I can offend Him and He loves me anyway. I am HIS!!! I can come to Him at any time during the day and HE IS THERE!! He listens to my "email" and He responds lovingly. He never fails. He is my encourager, He is my supporter, and in HIM I find my security.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:26
Comments
PS: You've always been so thoughtful and kind to me. and YES you're sweet too! And I see you during the middle of a hectic work day when it's stressful! Don't be too hard on yourself! You are a friend to me, and are loved!
Amanda Jennings