Saturday, March 1, 2008

How Am I Supposed to Feel?

Death is usually not a pleasant thing. I would hear some say that it is never a pleasant thing. I have to disagree with that. When someone is suffering and it is better for them physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to leave this earth I feel that is the best thing that can happen to them. Does that make the grief easier for those of us left behind? Sometimes but not usually. I would have to say that the death that I heard of this morning was probably of the worst kind.

My uncle shot himself in the heart this morning. He was young. He had two children - ages 16 and 6. My aunt left him a couple of months back because she was miserable. He was an alcoholic who battled depression for years....it was genetic. He also had a sister who took her own life. My aunt did what was best for her and for her children. Will she regret that? I don't know. Will she feel guilty because of the events of today, probably. Should she? Absolutely not. It was said to me this morning, "How incredibly selfish. Why would he do that to his little boy?" That's a good question but not something that anyone knows the answer to. My heart hurts. There are so many emotions running through me right now it is hard for me to express what I feel, really. I do know that I feel deeply for my aunt and for her children. I want her to always know that this is not her fault.

Your prayers for my family are appreciated.

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