tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36453624725085586492024-03-13T11:04:45.583-05:00Reason to Rejoice"In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His Holy Name" ~Psalm 33:21Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.comBlogger549125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-4716574862260639302018-12-04T09:26:00.000-06:002018-12-04T09:26:17.782-06:00Never AgainAs young children and youth, many of us, even if we did not grow up in church, we heard and read about the story of Noah in the Bible. You know, the ark, lots of rain, animals 2x2 and rainbows. It's familiar to most people. I have been studying the book of Genesis for awhile and there is so much more to the story than that. Such powerful truths.<br />
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It is sometimes hard to understand in our humanness why God would destroy the earth and everyone in it. He stated in Genesis that He was sorry that He had created man. There is a lot of speculation with this verse but I do not believe it is because He thought He had made a mistake. God does not make mistakes. I believe that He was merely trying to make a statement. He was disappointed and that is putting it lightly. The people were wicked and ungodly. The bottom line concerning the flood and God's wrath is this: no one died in an unjust manner. </div>
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So, after the flood, the waters receded and Noah and his family, along with the animals got off the boat and Noah surveys the utter destruction. The first thing Noah does is worships. He offers a sin offering. What an example for us to follow.</div>
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Then God alone establishes a covenant. He promises to never again flood the earth. This is a covenant with Noah and with the earth. It is a covenant that is undeserved and is it is gracious. He offers a sign - a rainbow. When we hit a storm in our lives, we can see all of the colors of God's light. </div>
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You have to wonder if when Noah saw a cloud if he got nervous about whether or not the covenant would stand. Noah had sin in his life just like you and me. God said, "never again." When God's wrath was poured out on Jesus Christ on the cross, never again would His wrath be poured out on His children. Jesus took that for us. It is finished. Just like Noah, when he saw the storm cloud and panicked, he had the assurance that God would keep his covenant. He is faithful. It is the same with us. We do not have to wonder if God will keep His promises. Jesus died and God promised eternal life. When shame creeps in and Satan tells us we aren't forgiven and that we aren't good enough, we have the promise of the cross. He is faithful. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-80992018497869377412018-04-21T12:51:00.001-05:002018-04-21T12:51:40.444-05:00Beyond GratefulI often hear people say that they wish they could go back and be a kid again. I would not want to go back to my childhood to save my life. It was less than pleasant much of the time. The thing that got me through those tough years were people that God placed in my life. I had so many amazing families that came along and made me feel just like their very own family. <br />
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I was in high school struggling through my business accounting class. I had been attending a little church for awhile and I knew this sweet lady that went to church there was an accountant. I was a little shy but I asked for her help anyhow. I went to her house a few times for help and she was an amazing help with my accounting homework! That was just the beginning of a wonderful relationship.</div>
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When I was a senior in high school, Audra asked me to move in with her. She had two children - Rachael and Riley. I would help with the kids and she would be like a mother (yet not nearly old enough to be) to me. Rachael and I spent many nights yelling at each other as I tried to help her with her homework. We once snuck a kitten into the house and hid it in the closet. Riley and I would run and slide on the hardwood floors in our socks. I adore those kids just like they are my own brother and sister!!! </div>
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I got in trouble once for smoking on the rooftop of the school building and Audra never said a word. I knew she was disappointed and that was the worst thing in the world!!!! I spent a couple of years in a horrible relationship with a boy and Audra always encouraged me to not allow him to treat me the way he was. I should have listened sooner because I also went through the greatest heartache of my life while living with Audra. She was always encouraging, always loving, and always there waiting to hug me when I felt like my life was falling apart. </div>
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Audra took my friend Christy and I to eat every Wednesday night...anywhere we wanted to go! She would buy me Christmas and birthday presents just like I was her own child. I went to her family gatherings for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Audra was there the day I graduated from high school. She drove me to college with the car packed down full of things for my dorm (yes, that she purchased), she was there when I graduated from college, she was there when I got married, she came when my babies were born, and through all of these years, she has always made me know how much I am loved by her. </div>
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A few years ago, Rachael was in a tragic car accident and she did not survive. I was devastated and even more so, I was heartbroken for Audra. She had lost her only daughter. </div>
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Audra now has a daughter-in-law, step daughters and beautiful grandchildren, but she has never stopped allowing me to know how much I mean to her and her family. I will be forever grateful for Audra and her family. Each year, we remember Rachael and will miss her forever. </div>
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God has been so good to me! Far more than I deserve.</div>
Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-36322455146696215842018-03-26T21:23:00.000-05:002018-03-26T21:27:53.750-05:00Just Wanted to Be LovedI was a good kid. You know like the kind that is deathly afraid of getting in trouble and will melt when you give me "the look." I am the one that would rather have gotten a spanking than to be told that someone was disappointed in me. I was a very sensitive child. Was I perfect? Heavens no. I was a child.<br />
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I have children. Three of them. Little girls. Rambunctious little girls who fight and then love like there is no tomorrow. My dream growing up was to have little girls. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to have these girls. They annoy me to no end but my heart skips 15 beats anytime I think something is wrong with them. Daily I question my ability to be a good parent. Minute by minute I wonder if I am doing it all wrong. I pray that at least some of the things their dad and I are teaching them stick. They make me crazy and I love them like there's no tomorrow.</div>
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I can never imagine leaving these kids behind. Anywhere. I cannot imagine loving something else more than them. I don't understand what makes people do that. How can someone love a substance more than the life that they created? How can they be okay with someone else loving their child the way they are supposed to love her? It makes zero sense to me and frankly, it makes so so angry inside. The older my children get, the less I understand. How can someone drop their kid off at a family member's house as the little girl is screaming not to leave and not come back for weeks? What does that do to a person? I cannot fathom it. </div>
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I know I was not a bad kid. What did I do to deserve to not be loved? I tried so hard to be easy. I tried so hard to be helpful. I tried to be quiet. I did not want to cause problems. I made straight As. I had friends at school. I won the city-wide coloring contest in 3rd grade. I got all 100s on my report card in the 5th grade. I wanted to be loved. Plain and simple. That is all. I was loved by others. Not by the ones that were supposed to love me unconditionally from the moment I took breath into my lungs. </div>
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Sometimes the reality of what all of this is makes my heart hurt. A lot. Probably more than it should. I can do nothing about it. It is what it is. What can I do about it? </div>
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Let those who love me, love me. Forgive but I will never forget. Most of all, love my babies. Really love them. <br />
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-25481706815671053122018-01-01T18:26:00.000-06:002018-01-01T18:26:33.029-06:00Out With the OldEach year I try to make a post about the year before me and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year. This MIGHT be the only blog I posted the entire year! Ha! I would make a New Year's Resolution to do better, but somehow this is low on the priority list at this time in my life. I love blogging but rarely find time for it.<br />
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Anyhow, 2017 was a year of big things for me. I quit working full time in April from a place that I loved in order to keep my sanity and change how I was treating those around me. Yes, I loved it but it was stressing me out to the point that I was taking out my stress on whoever came into my path. I went to work PRN starting in April but didn't really work on a regular basis until August. </div>
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I took my LCSW exam in July and passed it!!!! YAY!!! I now have the highest licensure that you can have a social worker. That was 2 years in the making and I am uber proud!! </div>
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In October I took a full-time position at a hospital in the same system that I work in hopes that within a couple of months, I could transition into a management position. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the case and looks like I will be working the floor for the unforeseeable future. To say I am frustrated and disappointed is an understatement. </div>
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I had my annual evaluation at work and scored higher than I ever have before! I feel like that was a huge accomplishment.</div>
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I have completed several Bible studies and was able to be a part of the filming for Jen Wilkin's most recent Bible study series that comes out this month. One of the highlights of the year was going through a few Bible studies with my friend, Cynthia. It was a sweet time to look at God's Word and grow closer together and I will forever be grateful for that time.</div>
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Hannah started Kindergarten, Lauren is in 3rd, and Rachel is in her last year of elementary school in 5th. Rachel auditioned and was accepted into Grand Prairie Fine Arts Academy and will go there next year. Rachel played softball for the first time and loved it, and of course, I loved it too! This is the only year that all three girls will go to the same school.</div>
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In February, I started a small business selling Lipsense and I have actually done pretty well in this business venture! Then, in March, I became a vacation planner with Magical Vacation Planner!!! I work to make others' vacations magical - to Disney, Universal, various cruises, and Sandals/Beaches. it has been SO MUCH FUN!</div>
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Brice is still doing well at his job. We took a vacation in June to North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia. It was a different kind of trip but we had a great time!! We were able to spend some time with our long-time friends, the Owens and it was such a special time.</div>
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In August, I went on my first trip to NYC!!! I was able to share wonderful memories and had a great time sharing those with my friend, Rachel. That was a time I will never forget.</div>
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I have many wonderful memories of 2017 and I cannot say that anything horrible happened. I did struggle a lot with anxiety and depression. It is such a struggle as you never know when it will hit or how long it will stick around. </div>
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Last year, my word for the year was INTENTIONAL. I wanted to be intentional about loving others, about my actions whether at home or work, and just making what I did and said matter. I feel like I accomplished that. This year, my word is CONTENT. Contentment is something I have been struggling with for....well, my whole life. I am asking for prayer in the area of contentment. I want to be more mindful of my spending and happy in the moment. I seem to be always searching for "more" and this year, I want to just live.....and be content with what God has given me.</div>
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My prayer is that each of my friends and family in the new year experience the love of Christ and stand in awe of His faithfulness. I want this year to be full of love for others, tons of time with friends, and memories that I cannot forget! </div>
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Happy 2018!</div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-71950458506845534792017-05-11T10:14:00.001-05:002017-05-11T10:27:17.462-05:00The True BreadTwo days in a row!!! Crazy, huh?! :)<br />
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I have started reading a book that one of my closest friends recommended: <i>Messy Beautiful Friendship</i>. I am on page 38 and I think it is one of the best books I have ever read. This lady knows me. I want to quote something she said in her book and show you how beautifully it tied in with my Bible study for today.</div>
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<i>"When I am disappointed with my friendships and I take time to dig a little deeper in my heart, I inevitably find that I'm looking for my friends to relate to me as only God can. I want God to give me good friends and when he has, I've been prone to shove him aside for the attention, wisdom, and companionship of those friends, despite knowing that they were intended as gifts rather than replacements. People are not fillers for a present God, and God is not a placeholder for future friends." (Messy Beautiful Friendship, Christine Hoover, pg. 38)</i></div>
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She goes on to describe how God has the ability to love us differently that people do because He knows us much more intimately and He can handle the weight, complexity, and emotion of all that we are. I love that. So many times I feel as though I am too much for my friends to handle, and it is likely true. But, I am not too much for God. What a sweet thought. What an encouraging thought.</div>
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Those were the words that I read as I fell asleep last night. Then this morning, I woke up and did my Bible study. I love how God orchestrates things we need to read/hear/ponder together so nicely. He is gracious to us like that. Today, my study was on John 6:22-42. We are talking about the I AM statements that Jesus spoke. When I got to verse 27, it stopped me in my tracks. </div>
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<i>"Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him." John 6:27 NKJV</i></div>
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I have been struggling in the area of friendship for about 3 years now. I have really been trying to figure out how to be a friend, how to keep friends, what it means to be a friend, etc....but what God is saying right here is to stop worrying and working so hard for the things that won't last. Yes, friendships are important but I FIRMLY believe that God will bring the right people into our lives to be our friends. I don't understand why I work so hard trying to prove myself to others....always worried about whether or not something is going to make someone not be my friend anymore. I read this verse and God whispered to me, "Seek me....the One that provides everlasting life. I will provide for you.....even friends....friends that you can trust....friends that won't leave you. Stop worrying about those that won't last, because they weren't meant to." </div>
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In John 6:33, it says <i>"The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."</i> Jesus. He is the true bread. If we come to Him, we will never hunger. Jesus is not only the Provider, He is the Bread of life who never runs out and gives us exceedingly, abundantly more than we can imagine (<i>Finding I Am, Lysa Terkeurst, pg. 35).</i></div>
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He says it. And if He says it, it has to be true. I can turn to Jesus for all of my needs. He is my provider. He is my source of life and the ONLY One that will give me true satisfaction. All I have to do is believe that. Believe that it is true with everything in my heart, mind, and soul - like my existence depends on it.<br />
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-8430691346464262472017-05-10T09:22:00.001-05:002017-05-10T09:22:11.209-05:00Pushing Through the PainHave you ever started working out and you have those aches and pains and wonder if it is really worth it all? Your trainer keeps telling you to push through and the results will show up and you will be pleased in time? The burn and the pain that you are going through you somehow know will be worth it, so you just keep at it. <br />
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That is kind of how life feels sometimes. Right now my life is sort of in this painful, dull ache of a time. I can't really pinpoint the actual culprit but I know that God is doing something. He is telling me that, in the end, it will be worth it. Each time my heart feels that stab, I just keep telling myself that there is some purpose in it. When my happy gets bumped and my feelings are on the bluer side, I simply let out a sigh and know that it will all be worth it. I have to confess that this type of thing is hard for this girl. I am an over-thinker and highly sensitive. I can't say that each time I am disappointed that I just brush it off. That is actually the opposite of what happens...especially inside, but I am definitely doing better than I used to. I am trying really hard to focus on what God is doing in my life. </div>
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God called me home at this time....away from the hustle and bustle of work life. I am alone most of the time, which I do not enjoy. I would much rather be with my husband or my closest friends laughing and talking about whatever, but unfortunately someone has to work! :) In the quiet, God is teaching me many things. He is teaching me about myself, about my relationships, and most importantly, about Himself. </div>
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Right now, more so than not, deep inside, life hurts....it is painful. I don't know where the source of it is, but I know that God is asking me to push through that pain to find the greater good. Please don't misunderstand me. I am blessed beyond measure and God is so so good to me, but there is something that God is trying to teach me, and because of that, my soul aches. There is a longing in my heart to free myself from whatever it is that is making me feel so hurt and I believe that only God can do that. I am so looking forward to the other side of this. Will you pray with and for me?</div>
Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-10524590588550894072017-02-06T09:09:00.001-06:002017-02-06T09:18:15.924-06:00What Love<div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiReNCBOr8FELBSp2MPVChMikn6mpSVn2oWWKeXX8c1qN8gxrPXNhxKviIbRYGXcPNLMaft1W3X0hr4MU5yEvvrxBwwFe7_Fx5Hz5no35rQyX9-rAnL0voG1fdBUE7VxhsNImFt24p12prE/s640/blogger-image-931655840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiReNCBOr8FELBSp2MPVChMikn6mpSVn2oWWKeXX8c1qN8gxrPXNhxKviIbRYGXcPNLMaft1W3X0hr4MU5yEvvrxBwwFe7_Fx5Hz5no35rQyX9-rAnL0voG1fdBUE7VxhsNImFt24p12prE/s640/blogger-image-931655840.jpg"></a></div>You never change, you are the God you say you are;</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">When I'm afraid you calm and still my beating heart.</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">You stay the same, when hope is just a distant thought,</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">You take my pain and you lead me to the cross</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What love is this, that you gave your life for me</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And made a way for me to know you</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And I confess you're always enough for me you're all I need</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I look to you, I see the scars upon your hands.</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And hold the truth, that when I can't you always can.</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And standing here beneath the shadow of the cross.</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">I'm overwhelmed that I keep finding open arms.</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What love is this that you gave your life for me</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And made a way for me to know you</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And I confess, you're always enough for me</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">You're all I need</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jesus in your suffering you were reaching, you thought of me</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">Jesus in your suffering you were reaching, you thought of me</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What love is this, that you gave your life for me</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And made a way for me to know you</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And I confess, you're always enough for me</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">You're all I need</div></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"></span><div style="text-align: start;"><span style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What love is this, that you gave your life for me</span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And made a way for me to know you</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">And I confess, you're always enough for me</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">Always enough for me</div></span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: start;">Always enough for me</div><div style="text-align: start;"><br></div><div style="text-align: start;">~Kari Jobe</div></span></span>Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-44218821173915629822017-01-01T23:25:00.001-06:002017-01-01T23:25:58.341-06:00See ya!Every year I take some time to reflect on the previous year, and this year is no exception. Two-thousand sixteen was a decent year and I want to take some time to remember the good things about the 12 months of this past year as well as the challenges that came my way. <br />
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I started off my 2016 with the desire to be more like Jesus. That is always where I begin. Sometimes in my daily walk, I succeed in that pursuit, sometimes I do not. The thing that I have realized this year is, regardless of my efforts or success, He still loves me. It was a recurring them from January 1 through December 31. </div>
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Looking back on some of my social media posts from this past year, I came across this quote from Beth Moore, and I think it is worth repeating.</div>
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<i>"We can draw joy from Jesus. Relief. Laughter. We can gulp down hope when a moment is hard to swallow. We can draw buckets from the bottomless well of His love so we can have something to give people in our lives who drain us dry. We can also draw something for ourselves when we've ground or own encouragers to dust."</i></div>
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I am thankful for His grace, even when I don't accept it fully. My prayer this past year was to love better. Love everyone....better. Again, I didn't fail completely but it was not easy either. I started off the year feeling like I had a great concept of God's love and how much He loves me, and ended the year wondering if it was even possible that He could love someone like me. What I do know is that God created me, He protected me and brought me out of a painful childhood, and He has a great plan for my life. He speaks to me when I least expect it and also when I am seeking Him the most. He sent His only Son so that I would not have to pay the price for the trash in my life. That is love. A love that is unconditional and unfailing. </div>
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I started the beginning of the year going through the Bible with Angie Smith in her Bible study, <i>Seamless</i>. It was life changing. I learned details and things I never knew and had never been in a study where you go through the entire Bible. It was wonderful. I then went to Hebrews and did a self-guided podcast study through Jen Wilkin. This might be one of my all time top 3 favorite studies that I have ever done! It was AMAZING!!! I learned so much and could not wait to get up and dig in to the Word each morning. A little while after starting Hebrews, our ladies at church started <i>1 Peter </i>by Jen Wilkin so I did both at the same time and loved them both.</div>
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On February 24th, I lost my precious Aunt Donna. She was like a mother to me and she was my biggest fan. It was one of the hardest deaths I have ever experienced and I miss her so so much. </div>
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I read a few books last year. One of them was <i>Nobody's Cuter Than You </i>by Melanie Shankle and it is one of my favorites. Here is a good quote from that:</div>
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<i>"The truth is, we need our friends. I mean, we need Jesus to truly complete us, but we absolutely need our girlfriends, because no man wants to listen to all the words we have to say in the course of a day."</i></div>
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I also read <i>Looking For Lovely</i> by Annie Downs which was also very good! One of my favorites of the year was <i>Giddy Up, Eunice</i> by Sophie Hudson. It was so so so good!!!!! I even bought several copies for my friends to read it! </div>
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I voted in my first primary election in March. And then voted again in November. The elections results were quite surprising and what I know is that God is in control and still on His throne. While it was a surprise to me, it certainly wasn't to Him.</div>
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I went to a few conferences this year. The first one was in March with Stephanie for her birthday to Waco to see Beth Moore. It was wonderful. We even took a minute to see the silos at Magnolia Market. I went to a conference in Frisco at the end of the year and it was one of the best I have ever been to. </div>
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We took a few trips this past year. In March, Lauren and I took off for Little Rock (Conway) to go to Sarah's wedding. It was a sweet weekend for just the two of us. I also got to see my mom that weekend...more about that later. In April, I was able to take a girls' trip to Bossier City, LA with Sara and Rachel to see Carrie Underwood. It was just about some of the greatest fun I had in a long time!! In June, we set out for a LONG road trip to the beach!!! Our first family vacation of the year was to Gulf Shores, Alabama and we spent a week at a beach house with some of our friends. It was so much fun!! Then, our big family trip came just two weeks ago when we went back to Disney World for 5 days and a Disney Cruise for 4 days. It was one of the best trips we have ever taken and I will blog about that later!</div>
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I was able to go to LOTS of Ranger games!!! It really was one of my favorite things that I did last year. It didn't matter if they won or lost (okay, maybe it did matter a little), but the games were just fun!!! I was able to see the Razorbacks defeat TCU at the Hornfrogs stadium in amazing seats and that was AWESOME!!!!! I went to my first professional hockey (Stars) game with some friends and co-workers and had the best time!!!!!</div>
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Work was quite eventful in the year 2016! It was quite possibly the most successful year I have ever had at a job. In June, I spoke at the Stroke Symposium about social work/discharge planning in front of about 150 people. It was maybe the most nervous I have ever been but it went well. That actually prompted another speaking opportunity, so I also spoke at the DVT Symposium a few months later. I was nominated for a GREAT Award in January and then actually was chosen for a GREAT Award in November. In August, I started probably the most influential thing I have ever done in my professional career: Emerging Leaders Program. It was honor to be nominated, a greater honor to be chosen, and now I am a graduate of the program. I will forever be grateful for the things I learned from that program, and I am excited to see where my profession takes me next. I had a great yearly evaluation and a nice merit increase. I have never thrived more in a job than at Methodist Dallas. It is a great place to work!</div>
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Time with friends in 2016 was so precious to me. My prayer was that last year would be a year that I would not seek for MORE friends, necessarily, but that the friendships that I do have would grow. That prayer was answered in such a wonderful way. We celebrated birthdays, went out for girls' nights, painted, solved puzzles in order to get out of rooms in an hour, and just shared life. I do not have many close friends, but the ones I have are so incredibly special to me. God has blessed me with wonderful friends and for that, I am grateful. </div>
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In June, I decided to seek out professional counseling for the first time. It was scary and I was nervous but it was needed. I am still doing that now and the growth I have seen in my life has been monumental because of those therapy sessions. I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder with anxiety. Working through things with someone unrelated to my life has proven to be very helpful. My anxiety has gotten better and I feel better about life in general most days. She has given me many tools to deal with everyday life and anxiety. </div>
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God was really good to us this year financially and I am thankful. I got a new car!!! :) My husband's job is thriving and we are seeing the fruits from that. I am so proud of him. We celebrated our 12th anniversary in August. This man puts up with a lot from me and this past year was no different. We had some rough patches but I love him more than ever!</div>
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In November, my mom received her sentence for vehicular manslaughter that occurred in August 2015. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. God is faithful. The main prayer during this time was that my mom would know the love of Christ and He was very firm in letting me know that part of that love was to be through me. I have learned how to love my mom fully and better through Christ alone. While she serves her jail sentence, I pray that she continues to see and feel the work of God in her life. As this information floods your minds when you read, please remember that in these types of situations, if you do not have all of the information, you cannot fully understand. I have such a different train of thought about stuff I hear and read and I am a little less quick to make a judgment because of this situation. </div>
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My Hannah turned 5, Lauren turned 7, and Rachel is 10 and almost as big as me. A few weeks ago, I turned 36 and I have never been more blessed! </div>
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Our church also called a new pastor who will start this week. We spent the year learning from and listening to Dr. Tommy Kiker and I will forever be thankful to him and his family. Pastor Shawn and his family will be a blessing to us (already have) and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for Inglewood in 2017 and the years to come! </div>
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It has not been an easy year. It has had ups and downs and everything in between, but one thing will always remain: GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! HE REMAINS ON HIS THRONE and it's time for my 2017 goals.</div>
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1. To live more intentionally...in all areas of my life</div>
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2. Think before speaking/typing and think about how I make others feel</div>
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3. Pursue a more personal and real relationship with Christ daily</div>
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4. Spend more time living in the moment and enjoying my children</div>
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I will continue asking God to continue to allow me to be filled with His love and have a greater understanding of what that means. </div>
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Happy New Year!! May you all feel God's goodness this year, regardless of what happens. He is good. He is faithful!</div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-92057786437837682402016-09-24T17:41:00.000-05:002016-09-24T17:41:03.273-05:00Grace Still Covers MeA dear friend of mine texted me this week and told me to listen to this new song by Casting Crowns - who I adore!!!! This is just a great song!!! I am posting the lyrics because they are awesome and I cannot find a link to the video yet, but everyone needs to download this song! My favorite line in the song is<br />
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"I hid from you haunted by my failure, and found a God whose grace still covers me."</div>
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"God Of All My Days"</div>
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I came to You with my heart in pieces<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And found the God with healing in His hands</div>
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I turned to You, put everything behind me<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And found the God who makes all things new</div>
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I looked to You, drowning in my questions<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And found the God who holds all wisdom</div>
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And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />You caught my hand among the waves</div>
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‘Cause You’re the God of all my days</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px;">CHORUS:</strong></div>
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Each step I take<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />You make a way</div>
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And I will give You all my praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />My seasons change, You stay the same</div>
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You’re the God of all my days</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"> I ran from You, I wandered in the shadows</span></div>
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And found a God who relentlessly pursues</div>
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I hid from You, haunted by my failure<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And found the God whose grace still covers me</div>
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I fell on You when I was at my weakest<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And found the God, the lifter of my head</div>
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And I’ve worshiped You<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />And felt You right beside me</div>
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You’re the reason that I sing</div>
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‘Cause You’re the God of all my days</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px;">REPEAT CHORUS</strong></div>
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In my worry, God You are my stillness<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />In my searching, God You are my answers</div>
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In my blindness, God You are my vision<br style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px;" />In my bondage, God You are my freedom</div>
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In my weakness, God You are my power</div>
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You’re the reason that I sing</div>
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‘Cause You’re the God of all my days</div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-1643428627942669202016-09-06T22:07:00.003-05:002016-09-06T22:07:33.201-05:00Living LovedI started my very first Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study this morning. I was very excited about this study because it is based on the new book by one of my favorite authors - Lysa Terkeurst. The Bible study is about <i>living</i> loved when you <i>feel</i> left out, lonely, and less than. The book is <i>Uninvited</i>. I have had the book for awhile but have hesitated getting started with reading it because I knew that it would hit hard and somewhere very deep. I don't want that to sound like a "oh, poor pitiful me" statement because I am not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't often feel uninvited or left out but it is the feeling loved part that I struggle with. I have really really been battling this for about 2 years or so and even more so in the past year. <br />
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This morning, we watched a couple of videos and had our first memory verse. The memory verse was Colossians 3:12. I am going to give it to you from the NLT because I really like the part that says "people he loves." </div>
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<i>"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."</i></div>
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I am convinced that Lysa and I are the same person...or at the very least, we would be BFF if we knew each other in real life!!!! Something she said today resonated with me and is SPOT ON with what I have been feeling. </div>
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<i>"I want to live from a place where an off kilter interaction with other people is not a downward spiral of wonky feelings but stable love instead." ~Lysa Terkeurst</i></div>
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YES, YES, and EXTRA DOUBLE SUPER-SIZED AMEN YES YES YES!!!!!!!</div>
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I mean there are days when someone can say or do one thing. One response that was not in line with my expectation and I am spent! What in the world?! So many days I feel like I am the only one in the world that feels this way, and the fact that someone put this on paper is so refreshing and encouraging to me. I don't feel like such a freak! ;) Do I like it any better? Nope, but I know that I am not alone. </div>
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She went on to talk about the guilt associated with feeling anything but thankful for all of the blessings in her life when others around her have it so much worse (raises hand), but describes it as an "undercurrent of disappointments that ebbed and flowed" when she is truly honest about her feelings. Then....what do I do? I perform. I start pouring out love and service with the hope that someone will give me what I am longing for. </div>
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<i>"Performance based endeavors are not the answer for living loved. Living loved is sourced in your quiet, daily surrender to the One Who made you."</i></div>
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As I was looking back over these notes and thinking about these words, it kind of frustrated me. I got frustrated at myself. I mean, why is it so hard to just live loved because I am? The Bible tells me that I am loved by God, I have been taught that, I am closer to God now than ever before, I am His princess, I am redeemed, forgiven, set free, I AM LOVED! Why in THE WORLD is that so hard to just believe and LIVE??!! Pick it up, take it with me, drink it, eat it, live it, and BELIEVE it?! I do not have an answer for that, but regardless, it makes me cry. A lot....from the deepest part of my heart. I cry. Why oh why do I look for love in all the wrong places? Not bad places but not God places. HE is the only One that can fill that void. It is not my friends' job to come to my rescue. When I don't get x number of likes on a Facebook post or Instagram picture, my world should not come crashing down. When I text, "I love you" and I don't get that in return, my heart should not shatter. I should live LOVED. BECAUSE I AM. Those people that I so desperately long to be loved by....they actually DO love me, but even more important than that....GOD LOVES ME and THAT is Who I should seek to please. </div>
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<i>Wanting to be loved by the very One that created me should be my greatest desire.</i></div>
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<i>All I know is that He is not done with me.......pressing on.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-54699763455380372582016-07-31T23:08:00.001-05:002016-07-31T23:08:06.394-05:00In the Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What do you do when your husband takes your kids, all of them, to Arkansas for a week and you are left by yourself? You do all of the things that you can't do when the kids are home, right? You plan stuff every night. You stay up super late and eat ice cream for dinner. And watch movies that children's eyes can't see. You have friends over and go to the movies, shop, and get pedicures. That all sounds fun but I actually did not do ANY of that. None of it. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the end of the previous week, I posted about how my week was...well, less than what I wanted it to be. And, I am not going to take that back, but it was actually a blessing in disguise. At the end of that post, I said, "God is so good." And, you know what? He is! I wasn't trying to convince myself that He is good. I believed it because I knew that, even in the midst of a crummy week, He had something in store for me that I could not see at that moment. And, boy, was I right! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I remember thinking as my family was about to drive away for 7 days, that I was feeling a bit anxious because I did not have one single solitary thing planned for my week. The irony of it is that I did not even know when I was going to return to work at that point....long story. My family was leaving and I had a chance to do all of the things that wanted to do and nothing was on the agenda. I remember going to my bedroom and laying down on the bed and reflecting on the week that had just unfolded and I began to cry. The next thing I remember was waking up a couple of hours later. I was tired. God said, "Rest." And that would be my theme for the remainder of the week....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I woke up Monday morning, I set out for my week, unsure of what it would look like. That day, I had a sweet time just visiting with one of my favorite people. We talked about important things, shared everyday happenings in our lives, and just shared what God had us share. One of the highlights of my week. Tuesday, I went back to work and the evening was spent eating take out in my PJs and watching the Rangers beat the As from my living room. Tuesday a neat thing happened that I am convinced God orchestrated. I sat and visited with a friend that I have not really talked to in awhile. She has been sick with a rare illness that causes issues with balance and coordination. One of the things she said really stuck with me and I think it will for a long time. I noticed that she is different in the way that she deals with things. I said, "You are so calm." Her response was, "You know, you go to bed one night with all of these plans, thinking that you will just wake up tomorrow and everything will be the same as it was when you went to bed. Then something happens, and your world changes. Suddenly, the things that you thought were important, they aren't quite as important as you thought they were. You learn that you can only do what you can do, and the rest, you just let it go. God told me to be still and I did not listen. Now, I am listening." Wow. I mean. Wow......Wednesday, work then Bible study and catching up with an old (young) friend. It was incredibly spur of the moment, simple, catching up. Thursday, I went to counseling, then went shopping for a baby shower that I helped with yesterday and then home. Friday night, I was able to go to the Ranger game with the Russell family and it was one of the funnest things I have done in a long time! I had a really good time! They are one of my favorite families. Just genuinely good people. Love them so much! And, the Rangers won!!!!! My family came back last night and I got to love on my two youngest girls. My best friend is back and my girls are already arguing again. All {almost - Rachel will be home Friday} is right with the world!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I walked into my house one night this week and I just stood there and listened....there was not one sound. It was silent. All I could do was say, "God is so so good." God is doing such a refining work in my life right now and I do not understand it all. He is speaking and I am listening. I just want to hear Him clearly. As I got still and in the midst of activity around me this weekend, I began reflecting in my heart all of the things that God has done in my life, and He started speaking to me. It is an incredible thing when we know what we are supposed to be doing. When God opens and closes doors and we obey, He will equip us in the areas He has called us to. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">May I always be listening. When God gives me silence, I hope I always stop and listen. When I am anxious because I don't have any plans, may I recognize that He will give me divine appointments with golden nuggets of wisdom from people that will impact my life forever. When He tells me to be still, I pray that I will listen and that I will know that tomorrow could very possibly look different than today did and my plans are not God's. He is FOR me and wants my best. </span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">You're my strength</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">You're my defender</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">You're my refuge in the storm</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">Through these trials</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">You've always been faithful</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: left;">You bring healing to my soul</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Colossians 3:12,16</i></span></span></div>
Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-25790363144371905012016-07-26T21:46:00.001-05:002016-07-26T21:46:56.368-05:00What If!?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I feel like I spend my life asking the question "What if?"<div>
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The fear of the unknown seems to be something that I struggle with more than I care to admit but why? Control. That is what I have decided that it all boils down to. I want to be able to control every situation and know the outcome. What if I knew the outcome before taking the action? Would I make a different choice? Perhaps. Maybe not. Who knows. The thing is....I would be able to control what happens. </div>
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I remember back to 2010 when I had surrendered and repented of a past sin and knew that I had to go and confess this sin to someone very close to me. The days leading up to meeting with her were nearly excruciating. I knew that I was doing the right thing by getting my heart right with God and not allowing satan to have the stronghold over this area of my life any longer, but I was so afraid of what this might do this relationship. What I distinctly remember in the days and weeks leading up to the meeting with my friend was a prayer that I said anytime I became anxious. I prayed over and over again, "Lord, whatever the outcome, please let me be okay. Please protect my heart, whatever happens." You see, I had no idea what was going to happen and I had no control over the situation. My biggest fear was that she would never speak to me again. That she would decide that she did not love me anymore and that she would simply "write me out" of her life. What I did know for sure was that I HAD to follow what Christ was asking me to do. That was non-negotiable so all I could do each time I thought about it and satan placed that fear in my heart was pray that whatever the outcome, that God would allow my heart to be at peace. During my drive to Canton that day to meet Christi, I just remember a peace like I cannot explain. Sure, I was nervous, but I was okay. The end result is that our relationship today is better than ever. My point, though, is that what God was asking me to do was far better than anything that I was fearful of. My need to be in control of a situation was not the important part, because God was telling me that He was going to take care of it and all I needed to do was be obedient.</div>
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I tell that story because so many times today I get caught up in the "what ifs." What if someone gets mad at me. What if I fail at this or that? What if I don't say yes? What if the party doesn't turn out exactly like I planned it? What if my picture doesn't get 45 "likes" on Facebook? What if my words are not received well when they were well intentioned? What if, what if, what if? The fact is that none of can excel or be perfect or get rave reviews about everything every time! Life is not comprised of warm fuzzy feelings every second of the day. We will fail. We will have disappointments. People will fail us. Our friends likely are going to get mad at us. We are going to argue with our spouses. We are going to get complaints at work. Our children are going to say we are not their best friends. The good news is that if our friends are our TRUE friends, they still love us and our friendships will not only recover but be stronger. Our marriages will not only survive but we will grow closer together. We will learn from our mistakes and grow. Our children will realize that we want the best for them. And the best thing about all of this is that we have a God that is bigger than it all who loves us bigger and more than all of it! He loves us more than we can imagine and nothing we can do can make Him love us more or make Him love us any less! What a wonderful promise. That is something that we cannot control but there is also no conditional "what if" attached to it!</div>
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What I want is to be able to take all of these things and say, when my friend doesn't respond the way I expect her to during a conversation, "Lord, please help me to be okay, whatever the outcome." When I get overwhelmed at work or receive a complaint, I want to be able to say, "Lord, please guard my heart and let me be okay, whatever the outcome." I know that this may sound a little overly dramatic to most of you, but if you know me at all, you know how sensitive I am. I get my feelings hurt very easily and in the course of a day, I can feel like my world if crumbling due to 4 or 5 of these things all happening within a few hours. I want to be able to have peace in my heart knowing that I am following God's plan and doing what He would have for me. If I am not following God's plan, I pray that He show me that and how I can change that to line up with His desires for me, then whatever the outcome is, that I would be at peace with that outcome. </div>
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I want to have peace in my life and make decisions based on hearing from God, not fear of what others will think. It is so important to make decisions with a pure heart and right motivation.</div>
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<b><i>"The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8</i></b></div>
Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-69578785892765246352016-07-22T20:37:00.001-05:002016-07-22T20:37:57.776-05:00What I Have Learned This WeekWhat I have learned this week is a lot of things that I likely already knew but I was reminded of from real life circumstances. I learned that life is hard. I learned that letting go of things can be uncomfortable and tricky but necessary. I learned that when your figurative plate is full, you have a tendency to drop it and break it, shattering everything on it in the floor. I was reminded that those that love you the most can hurt you the most. I learned that the closer you get to God, the more satan attacks where you are most vulnerable. I've learned that just when you think you have passed through the valley and are on the upward swing, another dark cloud can come. Perception is key and pride can destroy almost anything. People feel loved and give love in different ways and it is important to know the difference. I've learned....well, I've admitted that social media is a major source of anxiety for me. I've learned that I CAN live without social media. When things were really tough at times, I ran to Jesus instead of my friends. That's the right thing to do. Jesus wants me to run to him. My friends wish I did less running to them. That's what I learned this week. I learned that sometimes I get too sensitive. That drives people away. It's a miracle I still have any friends. I learned that I am loud and obnoxious...a friend told me that today. I learned that sometimes it feels good to sit in the closet floor and cry...a lot. Sometimes it feels good to yell...really loud. And I learned that I am much more of an introvert than I once realized.<div><br></div><div>Above all, I learned that God is big. He's so so so GOOD!! He is working in my heart, in my soul, in my mind, through my sorrows, through my heartaches, despite my flaws, and He LOVES me! He wants me to trust Him. Fully, completely, above anyone and anything trust and depend on Him! He alone can fill and satisfy.</div><div><br></div><div>It's been an incredibly hard week but experiencing the amazing work of Christ...worth it. </div>Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-50668502709583089102016-07-19T22:16:00.001-05:002016-07-19T22:21:28.856-05:00Trust or Faith?The definition of trust is: belief that someone or something is good, honest, reliable, and effective. It is the assured <font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="wc">reliance</span> on the <span class="wc">character</span>, <span class="wc">ability</span>, <span class="wc">strength</span>, or <span class="wc">truth</span> of <span class="wc">someone</span> or <span class="wc">something. It can also be defined as one in which confidence is placed. </span></span></font><div><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="wc"><br></span></span></font></div><div><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="wc">Faith is a strong belief or trust in someone or something. The dictionary defines faith as complete trust. The Bible defines faith as </span></span></font><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">the "confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1) </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Are these two things the same? Is one dependent on the other? That question may be for someone a tad smarter than me but I will tell you what I do know.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I know that trust does not come easy for me. I know that hurt has been a real part of my life. I know that I don't like it. I know that I have walls. Tall ones. I know that I have a tendency to be cold towards people and not even realize it...especially if I have even an inkling that I will be hurt. I know that even today...this very day, that satan has told me that I am not worthy of anyone's love and when others tell me they love me it is out of pity and obligation. Maybe it is. Who knows for sure. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I also know that I have been protected from some ugly stuff in my life with a protection that is quite unexplainable. I was delivered from sin and convicted from a place so deep within that there is only one possible explanation. I know that tiny life was formed from nothing and was weaved and formed inside my body more than once. The product of those miracles now walk around my house and cause me more anxiety than I will ever experience again. Only one being can create that. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">My trust and my faith are in a God that created me in His image. He chose me and He loves me. He spoke life into my soul and He redeemed me from the very mess I created for myself. By faith I chose to believe that He lived, He died, He was buried, He was resurrected, He still loves today, and one day, He is coming back for me! </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">My days have been very very hard lately. I cannot explain to you why, because honestly, I am not really sure. My emotions are all over the place. I'm closer to God than I have ever been and the devil is utterly aware of that. He knows my insecurities. He knows I'm sensitive. He knows I get my feelings hurt easily and he uses what he can to attack me. A lot of days, he ends up getting a good hold of me. Does he win? No! Because of whose I am! </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Do I trust fully in God? I'm trying. I feel like it's a process. I read something recently that asked if we trust in God like our life depended on it. Like a newborn baby trusts his mom. For everything. I can't say that I'm there...but I'm trying.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBeWpa77KD0glMFDJhuO8DqcdONCbD1rCl68Y5XzrUs1EUhrkH6Boav39nWAhleZ-RUdn_rLz18NtBghxGzHzY3f_jFX81eapgcb_sNku2Ti8SvazNmQ9fZj-Ch1pOTmm2YNmBdk5JIFf/s640/blogger-image--459626358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBeWpa77KD0glMFDJhuO8DqcdONCbD1rCl68Y5XzrUs1EUhrkH6Boav39nWAhleZ-RUdn_rLz18NtBghxGzHzY3f_jFX81eapgcb_sNku2Ti8SvazNmQ9fZj-Ch1pOTmm2YNmBdk5JIFf/s640/blogger-image--459626358.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-90076408542997287262016-07-16T22:17:00.001-05:002016-07-16T22:17:13.161-05:00Somedays You Just.....Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...that's how the saying goes, right? I think it is safe to say that someDAYS we win and someDAYS we lose...especially as parents. Y'all, if you are a parent you totally understand where I am today, I guarantee it. <div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRwd4C6mrhU3byps_gYeoGu07XLe93pdc8vw9rIrb-5SGKs80L-hU90BYC6n7ykGpQL7OJyz_9z2B5kkoCu0fLoiEv9-22ElWFURSIvxAPnyS_UxFjnXotytB0uskU6WdGz5V75n0OzTJ9/s640/blogger-image--1512774568.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRwd4C6mrhU3byps_gYeoGu07XLe93pdc8vw9rIrb-5SGKs80L-hU90BYC6n7ykGpQL7OJyz_9z2B5kkoCu0fLoiEv9-22ElWFURSIvxAPnyS_UxFjnXotytB0uskU6WdGz5V75n0OzTJ9/s640/blogger-image--1512774568.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>As most of you know, I have three girls - ages 9, 7, and 14...oops, I mean 4. My girls are such a treasure to me. God's grace is not lost on me, especially when I look in the face of my beautiful children. But being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever. I feel ill equipped, unworthy, frustrated, and just downright defeated sometimes. How can someone so small have so much power over you?! </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCeFVTeyuZuuBX6EZJ0WgU5ofgwkHw08q4mL3ytmzja5AxmS66xR_yE7-BBsUjFolz5BbMTtOJskXYs2K0PUDH3eS_KtylOQLzuhe2wJ0Rjlqatj55VTo6ztqsYjV622wCCPqoMc3xDoTZ/s640/blogger-image-1859099271.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCeFVTeyuZuuBX6EZJ0WgU5ofgwkHw08q4mL3ytmzja5AxmS66xR_yE7-BBsUjFolz5BbMTtOJskXYs2K0PUDH3eS_KtylOQLzuhe2wJ0Rjlqatj55VTo6ztqsYjV622wCCPqoMc3xDoTZ/s640/blogger-image-1859099271.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>The reason why we make ourselves crazy where our kids are concerned is because we want them to grow up and be decent, functioning people in society. I would love for my kids to become something productive one day...helping others and living as God would have them. It's my greatest desire to see my children come to the Lord and two have already. More than that, though, I want to be able to witness them living for Him, telling others about Him, and wanting Him to be the center of their lives. That's what I want more than anything. And let's face it, I would rather not know that they are sitting on a therapist's couch telling her what a horrible parent I was. It would break my heart for them to go to others for motherly advice, wisdom, and love because they didn't feel like they got it from me. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyz4pYx4A962bdLHa7tq6k4yJIZROe9bLkVMF6p4e7IS3-oEv2FL_79T5e7Me_ISVQS3rCLotjTZXdlTUvJHnIgD-hYHRCbTUHBuXJTDcxeaOAXmLaoOUMvJVYYwSsq4H6RtAp6qzfeaM/s640/blogger-image--1383579725.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyz4pYx4A962bdLHa7tq6k4yJIZROe9bLkVMF6p4e7IS3-oEv2FL_79T5e7Me_ISVQS3rCLotjTZXdlTUvJHnIgD-hYHRCbTUHBuXJTDcxeaOAXmLaoOUMvJVYYwSsq4H6RtAp6qzfeaM/s640/blogger-image--1383579725.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Today....today was not a good parenting day. I feel like, somehow I failed my kids but I can't quite put my finger on how. The evidence? They were TERRIBLE!!!! I have not seen Hannah act and talk like that probably ever! Even Rachel ended the day in tears sorry for how she acted today. Lauren is going through a phase right now but was worse than usual today. It makes me sad. Yes, they are children and they will have days like this, but somehow I think I could have done better. Did they need more from me? Probably. Maybe they will forget today. I'd be okay with that.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLqba8MD9uZRtw_WQWDTfwg-dCI7u7Yg9eLg7x8oJFs9apNhSrZStEVENrPno44r-ijv5SdB8P3PWPiGABC2jcj-Srlb5jAVIO47jzSZ-9Y9iI6emZYzKpLiysDG4PgXiOp5mLmwPKvKQS/s640/blogger-image--268417500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLqba8MD9uZRtw_WQWDTfwg-dCI7u7Yg9eLg7x8oJFs9apNhSrZStEVENrPno44r-ijv5SdB8P3PWPiGABC2jcj-Srlb5jAVIO47jzSZ-9Y9iI6emZYzKpLiysDG4PgXiOp5mLmwPKvKQS/s640/blogger-image--268417500.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>My prayer is that God will help me love these kids He has entrusted to me like He does. They need specific things at specific times. I pray that He leads me to help shepherd their hearts and shape their minds to be more like Him. In the process, we can all grow closer to the Lord. </div><div><br></div><div>His mercies are new every morning! Praise the Lord! </div>Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-81356367138971132282016-07-15T20:34:00.001-05:002016-07-15T20:34:05.981-05:00FriendsEven on the crummiest of days, God is still good!! <div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6aL0Ni4QGE6drvD0FS9yR-C2bLS-jhS3h8E4N8UAwtEdTQ0ziwDLpwlJckvW_EeXImJuLSiDJarymMjRpjg_FUv81y5-hKMnIvQTE5juSzIBfs0Pg88L609r7Ux619FyVYahuTjXA2kfr/s640/blogger-image--1041678586.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6aL0Ni4QGE6drvD0FS9yR-C2bLS-jhS3h8E4N8UAwtEdTQ0ziwDLpwlJckvW_EeXImJuLSiDJarymMjRpjg_FUv81y5-hKMnIvQTE5juSzIBfs0Pg88L609r7Ux619FyVYahuTjXA2kfr/s640/blogger-image--1041678586.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">He gives us people in our life to remind us that He loves us! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVTY1j-_v1J_U2vRcWE3xYlTwerWxUiPDuiEAlK3lM6wQywG_5oj8Ydv8aClS3RrWOP-fJEMVqwN1zv7CEDtqdvyU7oDQ9-pDI-OzAOdmOZ2-pnFiNk18u3UqtM5MjcD3S0HK6R1X2yZy/s640/blogger-image--639402965.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVTY1j-_v1J_U2vRcWE3xYlTwerWxUiPDuiEAlK3lM6wQywG_5oj8Ydv8aClS3RrWOP-fJEMVqwN1zv7CEDtqdvyU7oDQ9-pDI-OzAOdmOZ2-pnFiNk18u3UqtM5MjcD3S0HK6R1X2yZy/s640/blogger-image--639402965.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2t21Ck6RMRbXll1o-GtNRVRNJOOKC-zUHx3Za8_N43qnclbLZTjN3CYSHhRpy90s_GJwb_KjBHApSz732JQomnmrOXM8CGazKeoR8Dullfl5-RPKIKdx0-CSJK4D7vfoFR5k-9d3YE1Vt/s640/blogger-image-1334011059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2t21Ck6RMRbXll1o-GtNRVRNJOOKC-zUHx3Za8_N43qnclbLZTjN3CYSHhRpy90s_GJwb_KjBHApSz732JQomnmrOXM8CGazKeoR8Dullfl5-RPKIKdx0-CSJK4D7vfoFR5k-9d3YE1Vt/s640/blogger-image-1334011059.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Friends help us remember to laugh....even when all we want to do is cry. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHh_QWAHsJrfKLgnrJvXslgMBdJUeJ3zwR2XNyyjvXBNE_Q5W5dxNOBis7973HytQe7tyfB8bjOnSpAmYvG5NbUQad546z9eOO7zsQK4DnRmbNPFVfmXCdSRQ4CusdTje1f2HCB83iFMPT/s640/blogger-image--441962242.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHh_QWAHsJrfKLgnrJvXslgMBdJUeJ3zwR2XNyyjvXBNE_Q5W5dxNOBis7973HytQe7tyfB8bjOnSpAmYvG5NbUQad546z9eOO7zsQK4DnRmbNPFVfmXCdSRQ4CusdTje1f2HCB83iFMPT/s640/blogger-image--441962242.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZid-R9OafXi9CvoZ_zYSvqaqGhe4cIxMdG3-os0bXD5PWluqlN9NbSv_pzpgbDvKFSeUJL-8EXGjkx58iSQVE3jDqUt9IUdNKQDGf89Cj3WE9eivdwPv3mO0y0ixfb4CE6xkHYnxa9YHA/s640/blogger-image-159834895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZid-R9OafXi9CvoZ_zYSvqaqGhe4cIxMdG3-os0bXD5PWluqlN9NbSv_pzpgbDvKFSeUJL-8EXGjkx58iSQVE3jDqUt9IUdNKQDGf89Cj3WE9eivdwPv3mO0y0ixfb4CE6xkHYnxa9YHA/s640/blogger-image-159834895.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQ0Lf_KH5cG67vGND9bqtlm5X5IJymTydNqqXTGRL_1IioulrzrwRcq5Ju_XWDwcQirTDVJgf0nobaZ3P7rP7a6CnRFJCeLQTVPOcTCQ-t2hF-VV1atuh1JcckRtul26_xJwEo67r-NU4/s640/blogger-image-1734104815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQ0Lf_KH5cG67vGND9bqtlm5X5IJymTydNqqXTGRL_1IioulrzrwRcq5Ju_XWDwcQirTDVJgf0nobaZ3P7rP7a6CnRFJCeLQTVPOcTCQ-t2hF-VV1atuh1JcckRtul26_xJwEo67r-NU4/s640/blogger-image-1734104815.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOsz7ikn9rsPrY9FZh2-0ubSIZLOwyfLWQ8bO7oGWx2090PvtseQFQH1V5_44p0N8QbKIzdyUGtX-MV2nUhCRj-Jk9pOyYKgJohK6cOoc-x5TTMd3QTP3OVLSHNnsi8wIVqOVt1wC_KX4X/s640/blogger-image-1157806761.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOsz7ikn9rsPrY9FZh2-0ubSIZLOwyfLWQ8bO7oGWx2090PvtseQFQH1V5_44p0N8QbKIzdyUGtX-MV2nUhCRj-Jk9pOyYKgJohK6cOoc-x5TTMd3QTP3OVLSHNnsi8wIVqOVt1wC_KX4X/s640/blogger-image-1157806761.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTQnI-9pUqnfeHEiODlNcL0J0BwglO79GEHVPXGozlMkiogFyptNSgsBfEhyXx3wopPYtPY7Nk5kCaxosvweTpJVJKGidwRqFY45KRlDyM6Icmhzf9tKwmtPi26xJU-5O_7dXYtatDcxdi/s640/blogger-image-443048525.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTQnI-9pUqnfeHEiODlNcL0J0BwglO79GEHVPXGozlMkiogFyptNSgsBfEhyXx3wopPYtPY7Nk5kCaxosvweTpJVJKGidwRqFY45KRlDyM6Icmhzf9tKwmtPi26xJU-5O_7dXYtatDcxdi/s640/blogger-image-443048525.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmANKRUhjt29m6DrdyfJtSmKjKEgyQYEviXaP-iEM_o6fnMruUWIrIf8TN6n8KfRmn5LqpYfPjHeG38hdb5zvADn36sK8cpWLorLzIru20fejeFvQsHQwKmXMxDCOgZn2TfIO7ze2ay_bs/s640/blogger-image-1706284460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmANKRUhjt29m6DrdyfJtSmKjKEgyQYEviXaP-iEM_o6fnMruUWIrIf8TN6n8KfRmn5LqpYfPjHeG38hdb5zvADn36sK8cpWLorLzIru20fejeFvQsHQwKmXMxDCOgZn2TfIO7ze2ay_bs/s640/blogger-image-1706284460.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. Yes, today had some rough moments that reminded me that people are not always nice and that life is not always easy, but God is ALWAYS good!! I am so grateful for the friends He has given me. 💜💜 I love them dearly and I will NEVER take them for granted. Never. </div><br></div><br></div><br></div><br></div><br></div></div></div>Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-79127619214884978862016-06-06T22:36:00.000-05:002016-06-06T22:36:18.959-05:00What If....I am Fearful?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Flying? Nah. I like it. It doesn't bother me. Actually, it is even a little bit thrilling. I mean, the take off...sometimes that can really be a big rush! Roller coasters. The anticipation might turn my stomach but it isn't scary. It is exciting! I love the excitement of the twists and turns. Bees. Now, my husband, he has a fear of bees. Well, any flying, stinging insect, really. Not me. Just walk past them, and for the most part, they won't bother you. If they sting you, it...well, stings, and then it goes away. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>fear</i>: <span style="background-color: white; color: #111111;"><i>an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111;">I am afraid of spiders. They are sneaky and creepy crawly. I feel like they are just kind of out to get me. Storms! I am TERRIFIED of storms. Fearful does not even begin to describe how I get during a bad storm, especially when tornadoes and sirens are involved. I am scared of the dark, of huge giant roaches (I call them water bugs), of loud yelling, and any kind of fighting (adults) will likely cause me to get in a fetal position. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111;">I am afraid of losing all of my friends and feeling alone. I am afraid of trusting people. I am afraid of everyone that I love leaving me. I am afraid of making </span></span></span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">people mad and of messing up. I am afraid of not being fixable. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those are the things that I lay awake at night thinking about. What if I said something today that caused that person to hate me forever? Will they ever forgive me? Am I even worthy of to be forgiven by them? I didn't deserve their friendship anyway. I might as well just forget they ever knew me. But then, they might tell someone else what I did and then that person will hate me too. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes. It is messed up thinking and it is insecure garbage but vulnerability nailed to the wall, this is me. It is exhausting. It is not from God and likely 98% of the time, my friends DO NOT think or do this!!!! (I am guessing, as most of the time, I keep all of this nonsense to myself for FEAR that if they knew I was thinking all of that they would find me to be "too much" and drop me like a hot potato)! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always said that I am not a fearful person but I am. I am fearful of many things. I think we all have some fears. What do we do with our fear? And what is it that we fear most? Do we fear trusting God? I read one time a quote that said, "When we don't trust God, we are saying that we think we can handle our problems better than He can." </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three different times yesterday I had three different people tell me that "perfect love casts out fear." That comes from the book of 1 John in the New Testament. I was fearful of something yesterday that I shared with exactly two people, but for some reason, God laid me on a third person's heart and that verse was perfect timing from all three of these precious friends. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is interesting because until yesterday, I would tell you that I am not a fearful person. I don't panic much. I am not a helicopter mom to my kids and I am not in constant fear and worry about what might happen to them, but I worry about other things. Some may say silly things...and perhaps they are. The second part of that same verse in 1 John says, "the one who fears has not reached perfection in love." I have not reached perfection...in anything...even in love. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, what if....I am fearful? God has an answer. The verse right before the one above says, "As we live in God, our love grows more perfect (or complete)." No, I have not reached perfection in love, but as I continue to live and grow in God's goodness, my love will grow more perfect....not because of anything I have done, but because of God alone. For God's love casts out fear! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Starting to read this book this week by Angie Smith.</span></div>
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I'll let you know what I think! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PS: Anyone who would like to join me in some type of summer reading club - and NO I have no idea what that looks like - let me know!! I love to read and would love to exchange books and talk about the books we read.</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">1 John 4:17-18</span></i></div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-52988890036936112982016-05-24T00:25:00.002-05:002016-05-24T00:31:24.306-05:00I Am Saying, "Yes"Sometimes when it is almost super late-30, your FitBit is screaming at you regarding the fact that you have registered nearly 16,000 steps, and your alarm went off at 4:00 am summoning you to work out, the logical thing to do would be to go to bed. Yes, that is what seems like the smart thing to do, but sometimes God lays a message on your heart that you feel like you need to share. **Besides, I was waiting up to see my friend, Candace, AKA ChewbaccaMaskMama, on The Late Late Show!!! Is she not hilarious?! So happy for her.**<br />
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I cannot express how incredible the past few months have been for me. There have been days that were so incredibly painful that I did not want to get out of bed, much less talk to anyone, but persevere I did. No, nothing major has happened but I have struggled with emotional days that I cannot explain. What keeps me going? Joy that only comes from Jesus Christ. My daily walk with God, my quiet time that speaks to my heart and mind more than I can explain, and my beautiful friends that pray with and for me. </div>
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I have never been an incredibly devoted Bible studier or prayerful person. There have been brief periods of time where I would read the Bible for a few weeks but nothing incredibly consistent. I am known to my close friends as one who does not finish Bible studies. I have traditionally been one of <i>those people</i>, yes, those people that I get really irritated with that say they are praying but really aren't. It's a good "Sunday school" answer. That isn't exactly fair. I mean, I always have good intentions but the follow through was where I lacked. <strike>I have changed.</strike> God has changed me. </div>
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I shared on my blog recently that in the early fall last year, God rocked my world, asked me to put my big girl panties on, and really deal with grown up stuff. While it was (and still is) painful, I will be forever grateful for what God is doing in those situations and in my life, personally. As I type this, I get tearful, because I cannot grasp how wonderful He truly is. He changed me. </div>
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Beginning the first of this year, I made a commitment to read my Bible every day. I knew it was something that would be hard for me because of my schedule and how busy I was, but I also knew that it HAD to be a priority. I found a blogger mom who posted calendars with a verse on each day. The goal is to write the Scripture verse and then journal about. I did this for about 3 months every day. Then, I started a Bible study, then another and my heart and mind changed into something different. I no longer felt the <i>need</i> to read my Bible daily, I <i>wanted</i> to. I cannot wait to find out each day what God is going to teach me through is Word and by talking directly to Him about my desires, wants, needs, praises, requests, thankfulness, etc. </div>
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I no longer do the daily calendar verses because I am doing a study in Hebrews as well as a study with our women's ministry in 1 Peter. We finished up the last women's ministry Bible study and took a 2-week break. I did not want to take a break and the reason was two-fold. I wanted to keep reading God's Word, and I knew that on my own, I might not be as faithful as I needed to be at that time. So, I downloaded the Hebrews study and started it on my own with the intention of stopping when we started the 1 Peter study. In those two weeks, I had already gotten to about the 3rd week in Hebrews and I could not stop. I was LOVING it!!! So now, I am one week away from finishing Hebrews - a 12-week study and two weeks away from finished 1 Peter - a 7-week study. </div>
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I plan to blog about what God has taught me through these studies - well, a glimpse anyway, but for today, I am moved to discuss what I have learned the last few days. In short, I have realized that I can trust God with my everything. I know, truly know, that God is faithful. I know that, if I believe God is who He says He is, then I have to put my "yes" on the table in obedience. I know that He deserves my whole self as an act of spiritual worship, as that is the only thing that is acceptable to Him. </div>
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When I got to Hebrews 11, I knew the passage pretty well. The interesting thing is that when I started actually reading it, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I remember just sitting in my car in the parking garage before work sobbing after coming to the realization that all of these people I was reading about were faithful, yes, but they were broken. They were sinful. They were not perfect but GOD USED THEM!!!! Not one of them was worthy of what God did in their lives but He did it anyway. Why? Because He is merciful and He is full of grace. This was huge for me coming off of the recent revelation that God had given me several weeks back - that I am to seek His approval alone, not anyone else's. I am not perfect but God can use me. I have never felt good enough. I measure myself against others...my friends and peers. I compare myself to those that I find, in my small mind, to be worthy of whatever it is I am seeking at the moment. In the car, that morning, I realized that I am just as worthy as those "greats" that I have been reading about all of my life - Abraham, Noah, Sarah, David, Rahab. God loves me just as much as He loved them and I can be used. That morning, I said "yes." I told God, "Whatever it is, even if that means going to another country to proclaim your truth, I will do it." </div>
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Sunday morning, my Bible study included the verses, "Since we are receiving a kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping Him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire." Hebrews 12:28-29. I wrote that morning, "We should have a heart of worship that is acceptable to Him." Later, that day during the sermon at church, Bro. Tommy preached from Malachi 1:6-14. The jest of it was that Israel was bringing to God their leftovers. They were honoring others and there was no honor left for God which left him asking, "Where is my honor?" This automatically made me think about the verse I had read earlier that morning. <i>"Let us worship Him with holy fear and awe." </i>The Israelites were trying to get away with the least they could in terms of worship towards God. That is quite the opposite of what He has commanded us. My favorites verses of Scripture are from Romans 12:1-2 - "present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable, which is your spiritual act of worship." He wants us - ALL of us - our everything. That is our sacrifice, not what everyone did not get first. He wants us - that is acceptable to Him. </div>
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Today, God continued to teach me more on this topic. I always feel like that if God is repeating something to me that it is either because I did not get it the first time or He really wants me to know what He is speaking to me. Like, He really wants me to not only get it, but LIVE it! I finished another week in Hebrews and today I listened to the podcast by Jen Wilkin, like I do every week. She said SO MUCH good stuff this morning, I have two full pages of notes, but on this topic specifically, she said, </div>
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<i>What is acceptable worship? Acceptable worship is offered out of gratitude. The joy of our salvation should drive us to right worship of our Savior. We should worship with awe and reverence which gives recognition of who God is. Romans 12:1 says to present your bodies as living sacrifices - that is what is good and acceptable - a reasonable act of worship. We are to lay our lives down daily, setting aside our pleasures, and look toward the finish line. We need to take inventory of those things that we place our daily comfort in, think about what things are fleeing, and where I am so consumed with myself that I miss others' needs. The Father that disciplines me is infinitely good and infinitely able, and He will bring me to the Kingdom that is unshakeable. </i></div>
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Over and over again, God has spoken to my heart about this idea of worship. I can trust Him. He is faithful. I have such a strong desire to walk with Him daily and seek His face that I cannot wait to worship Him. </div>
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There are few things in my life right now where I feel God specifically speaking to me. One is about my career and one is about my place in ministry. Where those two come together and where those separate is what I am still seeking His face about. I am incredibly happy at my job, but is it where God would have me? I want so bad to devote more time to ministry but what does that look like? Will you pray with me that God reveals these things more clearly to me in the coming days, months, and years? </div>
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<i style="text-align: center;">I am not perfect but God can and WILL use me...if I allow Him to. I want nothing more.</i></div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-54754135251199252102016-05-03T09:21:00.001-05:002016-05-03T11:57:33.779-05:00Is It Worth It?<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sticky fingers, digging in the dirt and giggling about the things of the day, two little curly headed girls run around at recess. It wasn't long ago that they begged their mom to buy matching outfits and the heart necklaces that have the jagged edges with "Best Friends" etched in them, one for each to wear. That way the whole world, well, their whole world, would know that they belong to each other. She is the other's "person." Who knew a tiny girl needed a person? What are the odds that those two darlings will remain friends for a lifetime? Is the investment at such an early age worth it?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whispers of true love. Who is taking who to the prom? Notes being passed in the halls, or these days it is more likely texts exchanged. The excitement fills a young girl's heart as she shares her deepest secrets to her best friends. The teenage years, such an awkward time and a time when friendships are so very important. Endless sleepovers, Friday night football games, movies, school dances, multiple things done with best friends that everyone regrets as adults....both cherished and wished they could forget. Fights, arguments, girl drama, horrible heartbreaks, and all of the yuck that comes from the teenage years, was it all worth it? Some of those friendships are still intact but many of them are gone...were they worth it? </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hearts fluttering, true love has been found! Who is the first one to call? The best friend of course! "I'm getting married!!!" Bridesmaids are chosen, perfect dress fits like a glove, you walk down the aisle and your friends then become a secondary thing as your best friend is now this man (what???) that you will spend the rest of your life with!! When did everything change?? All of a sudden the heart is divided. There is this person that no one could love more, who will now see you at the very best and worst of times...always, and the person who just stood there and straightened the train of that incredibly over-priced dress that will never be worn again....and gave the amazingly heart-warming speech at the rehearsal dinner because you haven't cried enough. Two people that are loved. Incredibly loved in two very different ways. One that will remain in your life forever and one that, honestly, may not. I had five bridesmaids in my wedding. Three I never talk to. Two, I talk to occasionally, and that includes my matron of honor. She was my very best friend. I stood beside her a month before as her maid of honor. Was it worth it?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Positive. Of course the first person you tell is your husband but then? Of course, your best friend!!!! A baby?? How do you take care of a tiny human? Who knows until it actually gets here. The friends that share these days are priceless. Doing life with friends in these precious times are quite possibly the ones that I count the most dear...at least at this point in my life. Parenting is hard. Those sleepless newborn nights are painful and when no one else understands, that girlfriend certainly does. Pick up the phone and cry and she just knows. She knows because she was just there the day before and you helped her. You talk everyday about everything and nothing all at the same time. Her baby gets sick and you drop everything to go running to help. Births, illnesses, baby showers, baby dedications, field trips, things no one else could possibly understand...she is your person. And this friend, you argue but it's deep rooted hard arguments that require out-of-town trips to resolve and in the end you are closer because of it. Then, one day, you get the call that she wants to meet you for lunch but it isn't the happy call. Something is different because you know her. Something is different and not good different. Her husband is in the ministry and everything your gut told you is true...they are being called away. Your heart is broken and your friendship will never be the same. Was it worth it?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life is different. While before friends were many and life was shared with lots of people, it is becoming evident that God is changing circumstances. In a nutshell, being a grownup has proven to be a little more difficult than you want it to be. True friends are few and far between. Trust has been put to the test and failed. Hearts have been shattered many times over and walls have been built. God has placed some incredible people in the path to be friends but they are not plentiful. Coffee shops, late nights, hospital waiting rooms, women's Bible studies, and life's most difficult circumstances are where these friends have been present. God has proven himself faithful yet again but it just looks a little different. There are fun times too like painting parties, weekend trips, vacations to magical kingdoms, and lots of laughter but life is just different these days. It is still filled with drama, heartache, and pain but some of the most precious times have been spent talking about what God is doing, how He is moving, what we are learning through the trials, life stories through things like adoptions, marriage struggles, and at the end, how we are better because of it all. I have never loved and cherished my friends like I do in my life right at this moment...in this season. The thing is...it could change in an instant. People move, tragedies happen, and change is inevitable. Is it worth it?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is it worth it? Was it worth it? The simple answer is yes. Yes, it was, it is, and it always will be. In each stage of life as portrayed in this post, life throws us challenges and beauty. Why walk it alone? God gives us people for a season and in each season of my life, I can pinpoint people who have been a special part of it. Some of those people I still talk to, some I don't. In the end, I think that it is important to recognize that we are shaped by the experiences that we have and part of that is the people we choose to let in our lives. Yes. I have been hurt and I have caused hurt. I have single-handedly caused friendships to end and I hate it but I have also learned from it. Today, I have some of the best friends that I have ever had in my entire life. Ladies that I can pick up the phone and call for prayer, to cry, to pick up my kids in a crunch, or just to vent to and they are there. I would do the same for them. Tomorrow if that all changed, I would be heartbroken but it would still be worth it. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is worth it!</span><br />
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</span><br />Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-9839813191453656562016-04-23T23:24:00.000-05:002016-04-24T00:33:25.097-05:00No Rhythm, No Worries? No Problem!About two months ago, I decided that I wanted to go see Carrie Underwood in concert. I checked her tour schedule and my friends calendars to see if a girls' weekend was possible. One of the girls was already busy that weekend :( but the other three of us decided to go! At that time, the closest venue to Dallas that Carrie was to appear was going to be Bossier City, LA. Of course, since that time, she has added other cities, including...you guessed it, DALLAS! O'WELL....we needed the weekend away! <br />
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This weekend was SHOW TIME!!! I took off on Friday. I asked Brice to get us some snacks. Every good girls' trip should include: peanut butter M&Ms, our favorite drinks (Diet Dr. Pepper for me, Coke for Rachel, and water for Sara), popcorn, Chex Mix, and Twizzlers, of course!! :) I downloaded Carrie's CDs on iTunes, burned them on discs, got everything and everyone in the car and we were headed out!!!! First stop, Zig Zag Stripe Boutique in Mansfield!</div>
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I won't bore you with a bunch of details about this stop, except this....Sara bought an ADORABLE outfit that I will show you later!!! AND...I do not own any cowboy boots. I tried some on at ZZS and LOVED them. They were just SO expensive!!! I did not end up buying them and, honestly, I kind of regret it. I anticipate that I will either go back and buy them or buy them somewhere else!! We grabbed lunch and then zipped on to I-20 for a lot of miles towards the state where crawfish are plenty!</div>
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It had been rainy and dreary all week long and God was so good to us to give us an ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS day of traveling!!!! The weather was beautiful, skies were blue, and the clouds were big and fluffy!!! We could not have asked for more perfect traveling conditions!</div>
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We made it all the way to Van, Texas before we stopped to go to the bathroom (thank you to Cynthia for the restroom stop tips ;) We were going to stop at Buc-ees but we did not have time on the way there. We did stop on the way home!! :) </div>
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We pulled into the hotel parking lot way later than we intended to (anyone that knows Rachel and me are likely not surprised by this) but with still plenty of time....or so we thought!!!! Our plan was never to drive to the concert venue. I did not want to deal with traffic, paying to park, or just the headache of it all. The hotel has a shuttle but what we did not know is if the shuttle would go to the venue. Our backup plan was Uber. </div>
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Arriving to the hotel around 5:30 pm (just an 1 1/2 hours before the concert STARTED) was a little stressful as we still had to get dressed and ready and figure out how we were getting to the concert. We had given up on eating dinner before the concert at this point. We rushed around, got pretty, and started figuring everything out. We began stressing out when we figured out that the shuttle DID NOT go to the Centurylink Center, Uber DID NOT service the area, and the cab would take over 45 minutes to get us there, when the concert was then supposed to start in 30 minutes!!! I said, "Okay, girls, LET'S GO!!!" I grabbed my keys and we jumped in my van and I drove....well, as Sara says, "aggressively." </div>
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I have to give some serious Kudos to this venue! The parking was absolutely FREE and they had some pretty efficient parking staff! I was super impressed!! We got to the Centurylink Center in about 15 minutes and still had 15 minutes to spare!!! WORD!!! We thought we were living right! We walked up and saw that there was a door right there that said, "Entrance for VIP and floor seating only." Well, HOT DIGGITY DOG...guess what? We had floor seating!! We pranced right on in, got our little swanky floor seating wrist bands, and the kind lady said, "All right girls, it's general admission but it is standing room only. There are no seats." Cue the dropped jaws, eyes wide open, blank stares. "I'm sorry, what?" She said, "Yes, that's right. The concert people changed it because Carrie's stage is too big and no chairs will fit on the floor along with her stage so it is standing room only." We all just looked at each other. Rachel went off upstairs to see if she could talk to someone because of her back issues about getting a seat and Sara and I scoped things out a little. Ultimately, we all decided to keep our spots by the stage as the place we had was so super close to where the performers were going to be. Little did we know the condition we would be in at the end of the night! </div>
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The first act was the Swon Brothers. Apparently, they were on the Voice which I have never watched one second of but they were pretty good. The second act was someone named Easton Corbin and I have never heard of him either but I kind of liked him. I could have done without how long he performed but he was really good. Then....Carrie Underwood!!!!!!!</div>
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First of all, she was just great!!! She was a great performer, her vocals were amazing, and the best part, she just sang! She was classy, beautiful, and entertaining. I just thoroughly enjoyed the show! It was one of the best concerts that I have ever been to. She changed clothes five times, I think. She sang for a SOLID 3 hours and never took an intermission. Awesome, awesome show!!! One of my favorite parts was when she sat on the piano and did a tribute to her son and husband. Loved it!!!! </div>
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After it was over, I knew that I had a blister the size of Texas on my heel. I borrowed pair of boots from Maura and they were just a smidge too small, I am afraid. I need to be real honest for a minute...I am not a dancer and I do not profess to have very good moves...like AT ALL!!!! BUT...boy did I MOVE at this concert!!! And..in the car...and in the hotel room!!!! I just let it loose. I had THE BEST TIME!!!!!! I think that might be part of the reason for this blister. So the blister and the fact that I had been standing for 4 1/2 hours straight was KILLING my back!!!!! I COULD NOT walk straight!!! I looked like I had drank about 4 too many beers. Well, I hadn't! When we got back to the van, it hurt to sit down. I couldn't breathe! We just sat in the parking lot waiting for the cars to file out which was good because I had to get the boots OFF! We talked and laughed and just goofed around!!! </div>
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We were STARVING but recognized that we had NO IDEA what would be open at 11:30 at night in Bossier City, Louisiana! We landed at Chili's. Problem was....I had to put the boots back on! The hostess....have you ever watched the Bon Qui Qui videos on YouTube? If you haven't, you should...they are entertaining and that is what our hostess reminded me of!! We ate dinner and headed back to the hotel. <br />
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After taking turns prying our boots off, we took meds to ease our aching backs, talked until the meds kicked in and then went to sleep at about 2 am!!!! <br />
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When you are on a girls' weekend trip and you have the capability to sleep in until AT LEAST 11:00 am, what happens???? Your body does not allow you to sleep later than 7:30!!!!!! But that does not mean we had to get out of bed!! <strike>We</strike> I laid in bed as long as I could before Sara would not let me anymore. I was stressing her out!!!! :) We all got ready, had a mini concert in the room, did Bible study together (one of my favorite parts of the weekend), and checked out of the hotel, headed for lunch! </div>
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Some of our church friends (from Louisiana) recommended this restaurant called Posado's in Bossier so we ate there at lunch. It was pretty good. We just all shared everything. Funny little story...we were trying to get a good picture of the front of the restaurant for...you know...documenting purposes (and because we were jamming to the song on the radio) so they had me drive around the restaurant THREE TIMES!!!! LOL!!! We were all a little sad after lunch because it was time to head home. <br />
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We got gas and hopped on I-20 headed to the Big D! Next stop....Buc-ees! <br />
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Buc-ees is a Texas monument! The one we went to today is actually the newest one opened....in Terrell, Texas. It just opened in June of last year. If you do not know what Buc-ees is, it is a HUGE gas station with like 150 gas pumps, a convenience store, and mini Walmart all in one. It's pretty cool!! It was the first time any of us had been to one. We three got matching shirts and I got shirts for everyone in my family. :)<br />
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The trip was officially over with the arrival home to my babies and my sweet, sweet husband!!! My husband who has so selflessly given of himself this past week for everyone!! I cannot say enough about Brice and how he has served so many people lately. I don't deserve him...at all. </div>
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This was one of the best trips I have ever had!!!! I was 100%, completely myself!!!! I let anything and everything GO!!! I have not laughed that hard in such a long time!!!! It was so good to just laugh, sing at the top of my lungs, roll back the sunroof, listen to the same song over and over and over again, dance even though I have zero rhythm, and let the cares of the world stay in my rear view mirror...even for just 24 hours. It was good!! The Lord so graciously gave us beautiful weather and traveling mercies. So so thankful for the blessings that He gives me. The Lord is so good!!!<br />
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**SIDE NOTES**<br />
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Throughout the trip I started writing down quotes because there were things that we did not want to forget!! I have recorded some of them below for your entertainment. <br />
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Rachel: Y'all, I think deep down I have always had an inner theatrical side.<br />
Sara: Inner??? I think it comes out way more than you know!<br />
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Sara (to Rikki): It's okay that we are running late. You seem to be an aggressive driver. We will get there.<br />
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Conversation about syncing our FitBits....<br />
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Rikki: Cynthia synced really early this morning.<br />
Sara: Well, she's an hour ahead of us I think. At least Florida is...<br />
Rikki: Oh, yeah, that's right. So, is Mississippi the next state over, then Alabama, then Florida.<br />
Sara: See this is how it works...<br />
Rikki: WOAH...I am not looking for a geography lesson!!!!<br />
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Sara: Oh!!!!! Look at this beautiful day!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! (This one comes with a picture...below!!!)<br />
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Rikki: I wonder what Posado means?</div>
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Rachel: Do you think it means tortilla?</div>
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That one is our favorite from the entire trip!!!!! We laughed about that for hours!!!! </div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-78662512110657081462016-04-16T20:50:00.000-05:002016-04-16T20:54:04.105-05:00He Is Better<div>
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<i>"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a Mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." ~Zephaniah 3:17</i></div>
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<i> All I prayed for was for God to make my feelings change. I had been feeling so desperate for love and so incredibly sad for the past three days and I could not stand it any longer. That morning, I uttered two very distinct prayers intermingled amongst the other things I said to God. Those two things were: God, change my feelings. Please, just make my heart feel better. I am broken and I do not know what to do, and keep satan so far away from me today. I know that he loves to take anything when I am like this and dig deeper into my insecurities.</i></div>
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This was Monday...this past Monday. Let me back up a little. My feelings have been waxing and waning for quite some time over the past several months. While I can recognize that God has been doing some good things in my life, those good things have not been easy (back up a couple of posts for more details). Sometimes sadness comes flooding in with great intensity and I am not sure what to do with it. Most of the time, I try to stay away from people that I care about in order to keep those relationships "safe" and not alienate them. This last weekend, it was bad. Monday morning, I just knew that I was going to wake up feeling better. But I didn't. I woke up, still feeling crummy and stumbled downstairs to do my Bible study like I do every morning. Then I spoke the prayer above, got dressed, gathered Hannah, and went out the door. </div>
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About 15 minutes before I left, I received a text that said, "Happy Monday. I love you BIG." </div>
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She had no idea how much that meant to me and how much I needed that at that moment, so I told her just that. </div>
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I dropped Hannah off, got back into the car, and what happened next is quite impossible to put into words. I have not ever been one to say that I have heard God speak audibly and I didn't this time either, but this was God speaking to me. This is what came to me...</div>
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<i>Rikki, when you were a child, the very people that were supposed to love you unconditionally, tenderly, daily, without fail, and never leave you did not do that. They did not show you what love is. They would tell you that they loved you but were not consistent in their actions. The healthy sense of love and affection that a child should learn early on was not shown to you by the most important people in your life. Your parents did not show you that you were the most important thing in their life. They (and drugs) were the most important things to them. You learned that from a very early age and to compensate for that, you found love in constructive ways, but in ways that would plague you as an adult. </i></div>
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<i>You went to school and you earned love. You were an excellent student. You performed well, you were a shining star, you put on a great show. No one would have ever believed that your home life was what it was. You were popular, you were a best friend to everyone, you got straight As, you were a cheerleader, basketball player, softball player, leaders in clubs, drama teams, in the 5th grade your last report card was ALL 100s for crying out loud!!!!! But why?? Because you wanted to be noticed. You wanted to be loved and accepted, and the way you did that was by showing that you were worthy of that love. It worked! Except when it didn't. </i></div>
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I sat in my car probably with my mouth wide open. My complete attitude changed. In a split-second my feelings changed. I was no longer overcome with sadness but almost relieved that God had given me such an insight into why I was so incredibly dysfunctional!!! I think I found some sort of comfort in the fact that, although, I am in control of my own actions, I did not have to be completely at fault for the way I am. I felt a peace wash over me like I cannot explain. I felt God say to me that it was all going to be okay. Once again, I felt His presence and Him say, "Rikki, this might be hard, but I am with you." It <i>is</i> hard. It is not fun to dig up old things that you want to not think about. I have long forgiven my parents for the pain from my childhood. I am thankful for the person that I am today, for the most part. I am thankful for the relationship that I have with both my dad and with my mom. My mom and I have gotten so much closer in the last 8 months, because I have prayed that God would show me how to be her daughter and for Him to show me what she needs from me. This life is not all about me, it is about Him and I want to point her to Him. </div>
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I don't know exactly what this revelation means for me except that I know that God is teaching me to trust in Him. I cannot serve two masters. If I seek approval and significance in man, then I am looking in the wrong place. I need to be more concerned about what God thinks about me instead of what people think. I know that every time I have a tendency to do something or say something or buy something for someone, I will question my motive first to make sure that I am doing it out of a giving heart and not because I need an extra dose of love or acceptance that day. I know that God is changing my heart. I know that God loves me and that I do not have to do anything to make Him love me more but it is the people that I love that has been my issue. I have to trust that the people that love me, love me because they simply LOVE ME not love that I tell them they are pretty, buy them presents, or that I act a certain way. If I have to do that for someone to love me, they did not truly love me to begin with. This is going to be a process but I will be okay.</div>
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I have wonderful friends. They are absolutely a gift from God and I will NEVER quit thanking Him for that. I have a handful of people that I can call right this very second and I know that they would, if able, do ANYTHING for me. I have to trust that they are not going to "drop me" when I am a hard friend to love or when I make mistakes, because Lord knows I will. </div>
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God not only changed my feelings on Monday, He took my simple prayer request and He said, "I am going to do something even better than that, I am going to change your entire perspective on life. I am going to change you!" My goodness, I cannot wait to see where He takes me! </div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-82330509934388954432016-04-06T15:23:00.002-05:002016-04-06T15:23:54.368-05:00Lessons From A 7-Year Old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I spend my days utterly exhausted. It's true. I don't know how to sugar-coat it or make it sound any more glamorous than that! I actually think I have gotten used to it because I have been so tired for so long. The thing is that everyone that has been in this very place before me tells me that I should cherish every moment because it won't last long. I believe it. I do. The older I get, the faster it goes!! My baby is FOUR!!!!! I have no idea when that happened!!!!! Some days I miss the baby days and other days I love the fact that all of my kids can do certain things by themselves!<br />
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Last night, I started a new medication for my migraines. I took it at about 10:00 and around 10:30, I was seriously unable to function. I was DONE. At about 2:30 am, my sweet middle child woke me up and was in tears standing by my bedside. I am still not completely sure what the problem was but she does have nightmares occasionally and knows to bring her pillow and blanket to my floor by my bed. We have a queen bed and the two of us, Libby, and another human just doesn't work! (Especially because I cannot stand to be touched while I'm sleeping-that was free info- you're welcome ;) ANYWAY, she woke me up again about an hour later hysterical and said, "Mommy, if we do one flip, we can't do another one, right?" I instructed her to go back to sleep. </div>
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This morning she got up and got dressed without any protest which isn't completely abnormal, as she is generally my most cooperative child in the morning but she was very quiet. Right before she went to school, she came upstairs where I was getting ready and was in tears. What I got out of the situation was something about her friend and how she told her teacher that she was going to do something. She didn't do it and she was afraid that her teacher was going to be mad at her; she was going to sign her folder. The bottom line, she had lied to her teacher and she felt bad about it. It was killing her!!! That was what she was so upset about in the middle of the night last night! </div>
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What if I was that convicted each time I sinned against the Father? What if each time I did something wrong, I was so grieved that I could not sleep? What if something as simple as a lie caused me to weep? I am not so naive to think that my child was not simply afraid of getting in trouble instead of grieving her sinful ways; nevertheless, it reminded me of my relationship with my Father. </div>
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God wants me to be so broken over my sin that I fall on my knees and ask for forgiveness. I need to repent and turn from those ways. And I need to be serious about walking so closely with Christ that it grieves me as much as it does Him when I sin. </div>
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Lord, help me walk with You so closely that it breaks my heart when I sin. Break my heart for what breaks Yours.</div>
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<em>“Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.”</em></div>
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<em>James 4:8 NLT</em></div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-60206803596936152722016-04-05T10:59:00.001-05:002016-04-05T10:59:51.595-05:00Take A Minute TuesdayTaking a minute today to just remind myself that what I feel does not define who I am. The things that I may go through in a day does not negate what Christ has done for me. When I have a bad day, it is simply that, a bad day. It does not mean that I am a bad person. It does not mean that people do not like me. It does not mean that I am any less of a person than I am on a good day. When my world around me feels like it is crashing down, I have an unchangable God who is with me, always. He walks beside me. He loves me no matter what. Jesus Christ is fully God and fully man. He suffered so that He would know what it would be like for me to suffer. I almost kind of chuckle when I think about this. Not because it is funny but because what I go through pales in comparison to what my Jesus went through. Then. Right then is when I decide that my day really wasn't so bad after all. I do think that it is okay for us to have our days when we have our "moments" and cry and say, what in the world?! But, when we choose to stay in those moments and continue without moving forward is when we have a problem. Not only that, but there is almost certainly someone else who has had a much worse day than me. <br />
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<em>"Knowing that Jesus Christ is sympathetic shows me that I am not alone." ~Jen Wilkin</em></div>
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Sure, yesterday was a rough day for me. I did not want to "adult" as I like to put it. Ha! I was glad when yesterday was over. Why? Because God's mercies are new every single morning. Today, I got up, thanked Him for today and read His Word. I did the same thing yesterday. Will today be filled with the same unexpected twists and turns? No, but there will be things that will annoy and irritate me, I am sure. I also know that God is the same today as He was yesterday. I have a new perspective today. I am going to CHOOSE joy today. Satan will try to stop that. He does not want me to be joyful in the Lord but I have my armor on and God is walking beside me. I have friends praying for me. God is good and He is faithful! I am such a blessed girl and I could not ask for much more! Why would I not have a good day? <br />
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<em>"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."</em></div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-5399490189659663652016-04-03T15:37:00.002-05:002016-04-03T15:37:33.289-05:00SUYL - Favorite Beauty ProductsI know that a lot of people think that I require a lot of beauty products but it simply is not true. The more children I added, the more true it became! Ha!!<br />
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Kelly at <a href="http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/">http://www.kellyskornerblog.com</a> featured Favorite Beauty Products on her weekly edition of Show Us Your Life this week and I thought I would share my favorites! :)</div>
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First, the most important part of my day is a good face cleanser. Every single day, I use this little set that I LOVE LOVE LOVE by Mary Kay: </div>
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This is the Volu-Firm Set. What I love about this is that the cleanser is really foamy so it feels like I am really washing my face! After that, I use the Lifting Serum which makes my face feel firm, then in the morning, the Eye Renewal Cream (which is AHHH-mazing), and the Day Moisturizer, and just the Night Moisturizer at night. This set is a little pricey but if I can look like Mary Kay in my 90's, I am good with that! :)</div>
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I used to SWEAR by Bare Minerals because I do not like to feel like I am wearing makeup. In the last year I started selling Mary Kay and they have a mineral powder foundation that I have started using and I like it just as well and it is cheaper so that is what I use now.</div>
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Sometimes when I want a little extra coverage I will also use the matte-finish foundation under the mineral powder as well. I also use just boring eye-liner, blush, and mascara. One thing that I cannot live without is my eyeshadow. For three years in a row, I got the newest Urban Decay Naked Palette for Christmas. Bless my husband...one year, he could not find the Naked Palette 3 in stock anywhere! he went to 3 different Ulta stores looking for it and finally ordered it online!!! :) BUT...it is my favorite!! I use it every single day!! </div>
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On the makeup front, I will just mention that I have used the same lipstick since I was able to start wearing makeup at 16 years old. Yes, I am boring. It is Raisinberry by Mary Kay. I hope that they never retire it. I have tried some others, especially since selling it, but I always go back to this one. It is just my color!</div>
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The only other thing I will mention is hair. I believe that my hair is my best feature. I spend a lot of money getting my hair done and I spend a lot on hair products. I have very thick hair and it is not exactly easy to manage! My favorite shampoo is Biolage and because I do color my hair, I use the color-fast one. It smells SO GOOD!!! </div>
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I also have to use conditioner every time I wash my hair. I try to only to wash it every other day. I have recently discovered dry shampoo...not sure if I love it yet but I am using it. I also use a little product called Biosilk. I have used this since I was in high school. Since my hair is so thick, it sometimes gets frizzy. I use Biosilk when it is wet and just run it through...it helps keep the frizz down and I sometimes even use it when it is dry. it smells SO GOOD!!!!! A little goes a REALLY REALLY long way!!! </div>
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So...there's my secrets!! HAHAHA!!! Really, I am pretty simple. I do like to put on makeup if I am going out but I really don't wear a lot. I don't have a lot of time to do much!!! </div>
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Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645362472508558649.post-17069112701460390952016-04-01T12:00:00.000-05:002016-04-01T12:00:08.188-05:00What Has God Taught MeYou hear people say that there are defining moments in your life. These moments can include graduations, births, deaths, relationships, etc., These moments bring about change. As I have mentioned several times on my blog, I do not enjoy change. I don't know many people that do love change, actually. The thing is, though, change is necessary. What is that saying? The only thing that is constant in life is change? <br />
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In the past about eight months or so, there have been many defining moments in my life. I cannot say that any of those major "events" listed above have happened. No graduations, my cousin had a baby but not a major impact on my life, no major relationship status changes. The main thing that did happen as far as my list is concerned is that my Aunt Donna died last month. It was a very difficult death for me, but I am not even referring to that. </div>
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Without going into too much detail due to confidentiality purposes, God took some pretty big things back in August and September and asked me to really grow up. God handed me some real "grown-up" stuff and said, "Rikki, you are 34 years old and I am going to test your faith. You do not have to do this alone but you MUST trust me if you are going to do this the right way." It has been hard and I did not always do it right, but trust Him, I have. And you know what? I have learned so much! I have grown beyond those eight months. There were mornings driving to work where I could barely see through my tears. I remember specifically dialing every friend's number that I could think of and NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON was available. I stopped my car on the side of the road and sobbed. I am not talking cried. I am talking SOBBED with noise, you know, like you did as a child. I had come face to face with the reality that in that moment, God wanted me to go to Him. Not my friends. HIM! That is what He had been wanting from me for MONTHS!!!! I had been whining for the past few years about what a hard time I have had with friendships and what He was trying to tell me was that He wanted me to depend on Him instead of others. That was only part of what He was teaching me.</div>
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What has God taught me in the past eight months? God has taught me that even if your past is your past, the actions of others really can rock your world. When you feel like you have been able to separate your current life from your former life, somehow that connection to who you once were still exists and the pain is hard to shake. The reality that someone you love has done something terrible somehow does have a reflection on who you are as a person, whether you want it to or think it should. God has taught me that things are not always what they seem. Even those that you find you should be able to trust the most, they are merely flesh and bone. They can and will fail you. I have learned that someone can go from one complete end of the "secure" spectrum towards the total opposite end to completely "insecure" with one quick blow. I have realized how devastating it is for someone to literally claw their way back from the PITS of insecurity hell. I have learned to pray like my life depended on it - because IT DOES!!! I have learned how to pray for my husband more diligently. I have learned who my real, true friends are. I have learned who, when I am at my worst, would be willing to offer me grace if needed. God taught me so much about patience. So very much about patience and seeking His face. One of the main themes over and over again the past several months was not trying to figure out His will but knowing Him more so that I wouldn't need to "figure it out" I would just know. I would be walking in it without even realizing it. I would be IN His will because I would be daily living and walking with Him in peace knowing that it was what He wanted. God has been teaching me more and more that this life that I live is not about me, it is SO much more about Him. It is about what He will accomplish. Through all of this that happened the past several months, what was God's main goal? What did He want to accomplish? Well, I know that He wanted everything to be done for His glory. </div>
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I have walked through a study on the armor of God, to help us defend against the enemy and goodness gracious was the enemy attacking on all sides during that time!!!! Then we moved right into a study in I, II, and III John about God's love. From that study, we did a study on the Bible, from the beginning to the end which we just finished. It was a great study on how the Bible is a seamless story. I have recently started a study on Hebrews and I cannot say enough wonderful things about it and as women, we are about to start I Peter. So much wonderful teachings through these studies! GOD HAS TAUGHT ME THAT HIS WORD IS CRUCIAL!!!! HE HAS GIVEN ME A RENEWED DESIRE TO STUDY HIS WORD. I am so grateful that I long each and every day to sit down at His feet and study what He has in store for me that day. I literally cannot wait to see what my study, His Word is going to teach me each day. I cannot tell you the last time I felt this way. </div>
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God is in the business of doing good things. The thing is, as Brice and I were talking about the other day, God's good and what we think as good may not be the same. I remember specifically talking to someone one time and her saying, "I just cannot believe and will not believe that it is God's will that my husband have a seizure disorder." Well, her husband had a seizure disorder. How else do you explain it? Now, someone that is not a believer may very well have another explanation but I AM a believer and I very much believe that it was, in fact, His will if her husband had a seizure disorder (although I don't go around telling my patients' family members this...I do like to keep my job). God's good is for HIS plan to be fulfilled - whatever that may be. God's good is NOT for everything to FEEL good the way we think of it in human terms. God's good might actually FEEL really yucky to us sometimes. Someone might have to die for His good to be fulfilled and that may not make sense but God is sovereign and I do not understand everything there is to know about His sovereignty by any stretch of the imagination but I DO believe that sometimes in order for good to happen, it has to hurt first. That is where genuine trust comes into play. That is something else that I have learned. Trust. </div>
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I have had multiple conversations over the past eight months where I had to be the "grown up" and say things that I wasn't even really sure were right or made sense. I literally felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants and praying the entire time. I remember saying many times, "You may have a hard time seeing it right now but you will come out of this stronger than you are now. God is going to do something wonderful through your story." This is true for many of the trials I have endured during this time period. I believed that because I had to. Like I said, God told me that I had to be the adult whether I wanted to or not!</div>
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At the beginning of this post, I mentioned change and how I did not like change. It's funny because part of the anxiety that I had as things started to unfold during my time of multiple crises this past end of summer/fall was all of the changes that were happening. People were leaving my life and things were just kind of unstable which is difficult for me. I remember praying for those close to me that I knew were struggling with different things where I may not have been struggling because that is what you do. When you are strong, you pick up the slack for a friend and vice versa. What I remember most is, during the time I was praying for specific people, I also began to change. The whole process that God has brought me and my friends and family through has been just incredible to see. </div>
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I had a conversation yesterday with someone who I had been praying for during that time who looked at me and said with tears in their eyes, "Isn't God good?" Yes, my beautiful friend. He is. He has shown Himself faithful, yet again. In at least two very specific circumstances from the past eight months that I can pinpoint in my life directly. This period of time might have very well been the hardest time that I have ever faced as an adult. And, honestly, it isn't over. The trials that I speak of are still continuing but I do really feel like time is healing parts of these wounds but the majority of the healing is coming from Jesus. </div>
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These types of changes are welcome. The process is hard but the changes we go through are so worth it. God is so good. He has taught me how to be a better wife, mom, and friend. How to read His word more, pray more diligently, love more intentionally, give more, and worry about what others think less.</div>
Hester 5http://www.blogger.com/profile/09731447812806451412noreply@blogger.com0