Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Reflections

So, yes, I turned 30!!! I have ALWAYS loved my birthday! Not just my birthday, I love birthdays in general. I love giving gifts to my friends and I love celebrating birthdays! I just think that everyone should get excited about being born! :)
Me at almost 2!

Yesterday I feel like I hit a milestone. Thirty! 30. It's a lot of years. BUT...what I thought so much about was what I have accomplished and what God has done in and through my life.

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

This passage of Scripture means so much to me...even more as I reflect on it this year. God has protected me my ENTIRE life. As a little girl He covered me and loved me even when I did not even really know who He was. As a teenager when I made some of the worst mistakes of my life, He still loved me even though I broke His heart. In my twenties, He blessed me beyond what I could EVER imagine with two educational degrees, a wonderful husband, two amazing children, friends and family that love me unconditionally, and this past year....this past year I just cannot fathom what has taken place....

God has taken a soul that was merely existing and "going through the motions" of life and just "being" and stirred my heart. He called me to stop living in complacency and to stop allowing satan to have victory over my life. He asked me to allow Him to love me completely. He asked me to accept what He had already given me a long time ago...a life of mercy and grace that I don't deserve but that He promised and offers simply because...HE LOVES ME!!!

HE LOVES ME!

I was brought to tears yesterday because GOD LOVES ME! PEOPLE LOVE ME! I have always known that there are people in my life that love me but for the first time in my life-for the first season in my life-I can truly say that I KNOW that people really do love me!!!!! They love me not because of what I do for them...not for anything except...who I am...they love me for me! They don't care what I have done or haven't done...they simply love me. Nothing could make my heart happier.

Me at age 5 - Kindergarten picture
What an amazing birthday present!!! My life has not been perfect but I am blessed and I am determined that even though I have entered into a new phase that the best is yet to come!!! :)

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Me at age 11
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Another Lesson

God has done amazing things in my life recently but I still struggle in the area of security. I know that I recently posted about this but let me be a little more specific here for a minute.

I have a tendency to dwell on things a little too much. I think about things, well, TO DEATH!!!!! I will just think about every possible scenario until I literally make myself sick inside and then the end result is that I am basically scum on the bottom of my shoe. It always ends up like that....confused? Well, let me TRY to explain.

I have already mentioned in previous posts that I have always wanted to be sweet but I just have had a hard time mastering that skill (or gift, whatever). I just have (or don't have) a way with words. Email is a horrible medium of communication but it is what is often used in my world because I am just on the go so much but let's just be honest, I am just as bad with words in person. I say things sometimes that I don't mean and things come across the wrong way. This often gets me in trouble because as much as I try to fix it, it usually just makes it worse. Get the picture? I know that no one else has this problem...it is surely just me, right?! :) Wellll, I have written an email in the past couple of days that I thought I would have gotten a response from that I have not gotten yet and as I have just pondered and dwelt on the email and re-read it a MILLION times I have come to the conclusion that I MUST have offended this person by something I have said in it. It is certainly possible because as I read it back to myself there is something in there that could have come across wrong, etc.....I have composed an email to this person and then decided that I am not going to send it because then this person would think that I am just stupid...you know the whole nine yards!! It is just RIDICULOUS!!! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF???!!!

Here is the lesson that I have learned this morning and let me assure you that I have been very humbled....

I do have to tell you that I searched EVERYWHERE for my So Long Insecurity book by Beth Moore that I have been reading and I could not find it ANYWHERE. Do you know what God was saying to me? That He does not want me to find my answers in that book (as good as it is and as good of a teacher and godly woman as Beth is). He wants me to find hope and security in HIM and answers in HIS WORD!!! So, that's what I did. I turned off my radio after I dropped my kids off this morning and I talked to Him and wept ALL the way to work.

~John 10:10 says that He came that we may have life and we may have it abundantly. God desires for me to be secure in Him. He wants me to know that I am His. He desires for me to live a life not just wondering if He loves me but KNOWING that He loves me and living a life to the FULLEST. Can I really live a life to the fullest if I walk around all the time wondering if someone is mad at me or wondering if I have offended someone? If I was more worried about what God thought about me than what other people thought about me maybe I would live a holier more God-centered life!!!

~I suppose it never occurred to me that perhaps IT WAS NOT ABOUT ME!!!!! What a concept! If I had taken 1/2 a second to think about the person receiving the email (or whatever...it doesn't have to be this specific instance). Maybe they were busy. People do have families and lives to attend to and I am not the only person they have to deal with in a single day. HELLO??!! Perhaps they were busy.  As my husband would say....maybe, JUST MAYBE they didn't have a response...maybe they didn't have anything to say!!!  It could be that they are gathering more information to respond later.  WHO KNOWS?!  God calls us to carry one another's burdens. Galatians 6:2 "Carry one another's burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ." Maybe they had just received some bad news. Maybe they were just having a bad day. If I had the mind of Christ, my thoughts might have gone something like this....."You know I have noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. How can I pray for you." Or "You know, I have noticed that you have seemed kind of sad. I don't have to know what that's about but I want you to know that I love and care about you." Instead I am staying up half the night worried if they are mad at me...ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Get a life, kid!

~And one other thing that God taught me this morning in my car is that when I come to Him, He says to me that it doesn't matter what I say to Him. He loves me. I can offend Him and He loves me anyway. I am HIS!!! I can come to Him at any time during the day and HE IS THERE!! He listens to my "email" and He responds lovingly. He never fails. He is my encourager, He is my supporter, and in HIM I find my security.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:26


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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Been Awhile!

I know it has been a little while since I have posted and this one won't be a "spiritual" one but one about what has been going on with us! I don't have pictures on this computer but I will try to upload tonight now that I have Christmas all done at my house and can do things like that! :)

Rachel's birthday has come and gone and she is such a big SASSY girl!!! She tells me all of the time that she is four and she is not a baby anymore. Kind of makes me sad but I am glad that she is independent...sometimes she is just a little TOO independent! :/ Her birthday party was a BLAST! It was at the Little Gym and they have the best birthday parties. You literally bring a cake, kids, and show up!!! They provide all the rest!!! The kids loved it, Rachel loved it and I was glad because I had a busy weekend!!! That Friday evening, I headed out to Fort Worth - Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary - to be exact for a laadies' retreat!!! I know what you are thinking...didn't you just have a retreat? Yes, yes, I did! BUT, this one was not with my church; it was with a church in Weatherford. A dear friend of mine, Carrie, is the women's ministry leader at her church in Weatherford. We met at a SBTC conference in Tyler earlier this year and have become good friends and she invited me to come along. I AM SO GLAD I DID! I met some wonderful ladies, spent a wonderful weekend in the Lord, and even won 2nd place in a dance contest! HA! It didn't deserve 2nd place, really....don't get too excited! :) The format for this retreat was really great...they did a video retreat so to speak...it was "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas and the material was just awesome! I want to read the book and after I am finished with the THREE that I am currently reading I will get RIGHT ON THAT! But here it is and from the little that we heard from the weekend, it is GREAT!!


Anyway, a BUSY but fun and great weekend!

Thanksgiving was nice. It was a tough day. It was Granny's birthday and we celebrated where she used to live which is now my aunt's house. It is always hard to go back. I lived there for so many years. That day was just....hard...on so many levels.

BLACK FRIDAY!!!! So...two years ago I was 6 months pregnant and decided to try Black Friday shopping for the first time. I hated every minute of it. I think it was because I went to Kohl's which I was told was not a good idea...ever! So...I picked the wrong store with swollen feet...so I thought I would try again this year! My plan: Toys R Us at 10:00 PM on Thursday night, then Grapevine Mills Mall at midnight, Office Depot, the next morning, and Mardel's following that...maybe Hobby Lobby. (Would have done Lifeway but it is RIGHT BY the mall in Arlington and...NO, just NO)! So...went and got Kaydi...Brice said I have to have: a buddy, a list, and a budget! HA! So, Kaydi was my buddy! She was a TROOPER! Decided we would do Toys R Us by the mall in Grapevine only to find out it is IN the mall in Grapevine and does not open until midnight like the mall. We then decide to drive to Hurst to Toys R Us there...LINE. IS. RIDICULOUS!!!!! At least 1/2 mile long outside the door and it is COLD! We took pictures of the lines and then got back in the car and drove back to the mall and it is now 11:00...we have an hour before the mall opens. We are sitting in the car..WARM..on our iPhones. At about 11:30 we got out and got in line. Funny thing...we got the stroller out of our trunk and used it to push our "GOODS" around! HA! It was smart, okay!!! We were one of the first ones in the door, went to bathroom first! :) Toys R Us..since it was an Express had NOTHING, I think I got 1 Zhu Zhu pet was all! Then, Carters...SUPER DEALS...everything in the store was 50% off then extra 10% off total purchase! SCORE! Then we went to Gymboree where I ALWAYS go nuts!!! That is where we spent the majority of our time. The checkout line encompassed the entire store (which is not big by the way). Anyway, got some GREAT deals in there too!!! That is mainly what my girls are getting for CHristmas - clothes! They do not need anything else! We went to New York and Company where everything was also 60% off and got some things for US! :) Ate something at Taco Bell and got home by 4:30! It was a blast and I will do it again next year!!! Oh, BTW, when I got home, I ordered everything I wanted from Toys R Us online...discounted prices! :)

Saturday, THE HOGS BEAT LSU!!!! WOO HOO!!! We are now #7 and if Auburn beats South Carolina in the SEC championship we will likely go to the Sugar Bowl!!!! :) :)

Pictures to come!!! Sorry so late and long!!!

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